View Full Version : Why am I so sh1t?
I am a complete mechanical numptie so when I decided to swop my tyres for some TKC80's for my Morocco trip I got a mate (Matkat) to come and show me how to drop the wheels out.
It all seemed straight forward so I thought I'd put them back in myself. The front seems to go in no problem at all. I have tightened the star bolts on the brake calipers and the pinch bolts as far as I can get them so they should stay done up.
The problem is the rear. I couldn't seem to fit the back wheel whilst the caliper and the flappy mudguard thing were in place (the inner brake pad kept dropping down). I took the mudguard off and removed the rear caliper bolts, fitted the wheel, then replaced everything.
I've just rolled it off the stand to test it and the rear wheel appears to be locked solid. What the feck have I done? :eek: :confused: :o
Have you got the wheel upside down :mmmm
Silly answer, but is it in gear????
I'd start by removing the caliper, and checking the location of the pads....have you managed to wedge the disx between a pad and the pistons, has a pad moved and jammed against the disc etc?
Best of luck. When everything is ok,beg, borrow or steal a torque wrench and set ALL the bolts to the correct setting.
Mike
You have to remove the rear caliper to put the wheel back on - or the pads will get knocked out - as you've discovered -
take the brake caliper off and see if the wheel turns around.
Remove pads from caliper before removing caliper.
Remove caliper before removing wheel.
Refit wheel before refitting caliper.
Refit caliper before refitting pads.
Fail to do the above and that`s why you`re a numpty. :D :D :D
ELIMINATOR
21-10-06, 20:25
I have tightened the star bolts on the brake calipers and the pinch bolts as far as I can get them so they should stay done up.
As MIKE R said, get a bloody torque wrench :nono or you'll be stripping threads, then there'll be tears, ferkin big ones.
I just hope when you tightened them "as far as I can get them", that you are on the effiminate side of poof, & you didn't get that horrific, " that doesn't feel right, the socket just slipped a bit when it was previously tight moment." :eek: :confused:
It must have slipped Tarkas mind to add...........
While you've got the caliper off, give it a good clean, & copperslip the back of the pads,and shimmy type bits, & rubber grease the O/D of the pistons & rubber grease the sliding pins.
Just spoke to BTBR on the phone. I guess the inside pad is supposed to be attached at both ends :o
Looks like I need to take the caliper off again :spitfire
Oh and I've found a torque wrench in the garage - no idea how to use it though :nenau
It must have slipped Tarkas mind to add...........
While you've got the caliper off, give it a good clean, & copperslip the back of the pads,and shimmy type bits, & rubber grease the O/D of the pistons & rubber grease the sliding pins.
That`s an automatic reflex action to do that............you mean some people need telling to do it ??? :nenau :nenau :D :D
ELIMINATOR
21-10-06, 20:36
Show us your torque wrench then.......big boy :D Then perhaps we can help.
I assume that it has a little window somewhere, with little numbers inside?
Tark, some people don't use torque wrenches........................even when there's one in their garage :nenau :confused:
6 days no alcohol :eek: :ymca
JohnnyBoxer
21-10-06, 21:04
Scary story indeed :eek: :eek: :eek:
(Hope you don't get a puncture on a piste in Maroc or you will be up shit creek)
As Steptoe, Tarka and Eliminator says :clap :clap :bow
Reading the manual wouldn't go a miss either :rolleyes:
Just spoke to BTBR on the phone. I guess the inside pad is supposed to be attached at both ends :o
Hello, welcome to the BTBR HelpLine.............
I hope to God that you are better at selling, than you are at automotive DIY :eek:
In future, just accept that you are a complete and utter numpty head, and get someone else to do it. ;)
:jes
Oh and I've found a torque wrench in the garage - no idea how to use it though :nenau
If it offers any help and assistance to you Mutters, but the socket (thats the tool with a hole in the middle and spikey, pointy bits around the inside of it) fits on the square shaped thingey that is located on the opposite end where the twirly knob is................
:thumb
I am a complete mechanical numptie ...
If its any consolation, I wouldn't know where to start to remove a wheel. In fact I still get mixed up on which is the "nut" and which is the "bolt". Somebody could make a lot of money coming up with a "Haynes For Dummies" - strip out all the really technical stuff and pad out the basics with lots of good photos and simple text. And if anyone does that, I'll proof read it. If I can follow it, anyone can.
JohnnyBoxer
21-10-06, 22:24
If its any consolation, I wouldn't know where to start to remove a wheel. In fact I still get mixed up on which is the "nut" and which is the "bolt". Somebody could make a lot of money coming up with a "Haynes For Dummies" - strip out all the really technical stuff and pad out the basics with lots of good photos and simple text. And if anyone does that, I'll proof read it. If I can follow it, anyone can.
:eek: :eek: :eek:
Hello, welcome to the BTBR HelpLine.............
I hope to God that you are better at selling, than you are at automotive DIY :eek:
In future, just accept that you are a complete and utter numpty head, and get someone else to do it. ;)
:jes
id get your push bike out and get over there think of it as a night time training run :D
shuck raider
21-10-06, 23:06
Somebody could make a lot of money coming up with a "Haynes For Dummies"
Not quite Haynes For Dummies, but a nice translation of some of the manual:
The truth about Haynes
Haynes: Rotate anticlockwise.
Translation: Clamp with Mole-grips then beat repeatedly with hammer anticlockwise.
Haynes: This is a snug fit.
Translation: You are about to skin your knuckles
Haynes: This is a tight fit.
Translation: Not a hope in hell, mate!
Haynes: As described in Chapter 7...
Translation: That'll teach you not to read through before you start; now you are looking at scary photos of the inside of a gearbox...
Haynes: Pry...
Translation: Hammer a screwdriver into...
Haynes: Undo...
Translation: Go and buy a BIG can of WD40...
Haynes: Retain small spring...
Translation: "F*ck me, what was that, it nearly took my eye out"
Haynes: Press and rotate to remove bulb...
Translation: "OK - that's the glass part off; now use some good pliers to dig out the base...
Haynes: Lightly...
Translation: Start off lightly and build up till the veins on your forehead are throbbing...
Haynes: Routine maintenance...
Translation: If it isn't broken... it's about to be
Haynes: One spanner rating.
Translation: Your mother could do this... so how did you manage to balls it up?
Haynes: Two spanner rating.
Translation: Now you may think that you can do this because two is a low, tiny, little number... but you also thought the wiring diagram was a map of the London Underground....
Haynes: Three spanner rating.
Translation: OK - but don't expect me to ride it afterwards
Haynes: If not, you can fabricate your own special tool like this...
Translation: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Haynes: Compress...
Translation: Squeeze with all your might, jump up and down on, swear at, throw at the garage wall, then search in the dark corner of the garage for while muttering "Piece of Shit" repeatedly under your breath.
Haynes: Inspect...
Translation: Squint at really hard and pretend you know what you are looking at, then declare in a loud knowing voice to your wife, "Yeah, just as I thought, it's busted!"
Haynes: Carefully...
Translation: You are about to cut yourself.
Haynes: Retaining nut...
Translation: Yes, that's it, that big spherical blob of rust.
Haynes: Get an assistant...
Translation: Prepare to humiliate yourself in front of someone you know.
Haynes: Turning the engine will be easier with the spark plugs removed.
Translation: However, starting the engine afterwards will be much harder. Once that sinking pit of your stomach feeling has subsided, you can start to feel deeply ashamed as you gingerly refit the spark plugs.
Haynes: Refitting is the reverse sequence to removal.
Translation: But you swear in different places.
Haynes: Prise away plastic locating pegs...
Translation: Snap off...
Haynes: Using a suitable drift...
Translation: The biggest nail in your tool box is not a suitable drift
Haynes: Apply moderate heat...
Translation: Placing your mouth near it and huffing isn't moderate heat.
Haynes: Index
Translation: List of all the things in the book except for the thing you want to do
Hello, welcome to the BTBR HelpLine.............
I hope to God that you are better at selling, than you are at automotive DIY :eek:
In future, just accept that you are a complete and utter numpty head, and get someone else to do it. ;)
:jes
get the bike out for a training run and pop over and give him a hand :)
I hope to God that you are better at selling, than you are at automotive DIY :eek:
Clearly I must be, as nobody has ever paid me to fix a bike :eek . Although some people would have you believe that high quality single malt sells itself :friday
In future, just accept that you are a complete and utter numpty head, and get someone else to do it. ;)
That's never stopped me before :eek:
In future, just accept that you are a complete and utter numpty head, and get someone else to do it. ;)
Just to prove how dangerous I really am :o :
I fitted a Migsel oil cooler guard last weekend (and very nice it is too). Not only did I need to ring Alan about this as well ( :o ) ...... it requires the removal, or at least the loosening, of the beak.
Now in order to do this you have to drop off the front indicators. These are held in place by two nuts on the inside of the beak. They are very hard to get at as they are surrounded by pipes / wires etc. and have a wire running into the centre of them so you can't get a socket on them. I managed the whole thing with only the loss of some skin and a couple of finger nails.
Today I nearly tipped the bike over with no wheels on :eek: and the only thing I grabbed was a front indicator - which came away in my hand :eek: :eek: :eek:
Needless to say I have spent a little more time doing them up again this evening :D
Today I nearly tipped the bike over with no wheels on :eek:
You took both wheels off at the same time ? :eek:
Greg Masters
22-10-06, 07:45
Mutley
You simply shouldn't be doing this.
How in God's name did you get the rear caliper on? If the wheel was seized solid when it was installed, what force did you use to fit it?
:hammer
There are plenty of guys on the forum who have the skills, competencies and aptitude to do their own maintenance.
If you're not one of them, have to courage to recognise it and the sense not to try, lest you kill somebody (like yourself)!
Greg
The truth about tools :D
HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit.
ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning steel Pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age, but it also works great for drilling mounting holes in fenders just above the brake line that goes to the rear wheel.
PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads.
HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the chaos principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your garage on fire.
WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes.
DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your drink across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted part you were drying.
WIRE WHEEL: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say, "Ouch!"
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering a car to the ground after you have installed your new front disk brake setup, trapping the jack handle firmly under the front fender.
EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering the car upward off a hydraulic jack.
TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters.
PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack.
TROUBLE LIGHT: The mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used, as the name implies, to round off Phillips screw heads.
AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last tightened 60 years ago by someone in Springfield, and rounds them off.
PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses 1/2 inch too short.
Mick O'Malley
22-10-06, 08:25
I still get mixed up on which is the "nut" and which is the "bolt".
A lunatic escaped from an asylum, broke into a laundry, raped the workers and ran away.................................
Sorted!
Regards, Mick :thumb
JohnnyBoxer
22-10-06, 08:48
Just to prove how dangerous I really am :o :
I fitted a Migsel oil cooler guard last weekend (and very nice it is too). Not only did I need to ring Alan about this as well ( :o ) ...... it requires the removal, or at least the loosening, of the beak.
Now in order to do this you have to drop off the front indicators. These are held in place by two nuts on the inside of the beak. They are very hard to get at as they are surrounded by pipes / wires etc. and have a wire running into the centre of them so you can't get a socket on them. I managed the whole thing with only the loss of some skin and a couple of finger nails.
Today I nearly tipped the bike over with no wheels on :eek: and the only thing I grabbed was a front indicator - which came away in my hand :eek: :eek: :eek:
Needless to say I have spent a little more time doing them up again this evening :D
:eek: :eek:
Didn't remove indicators when fitting mine IIRC and a spanner will do nicely for indicator stalks, rather than a socket :thumb
The truth about tools :D
These are the most accurate descriptions of tools and their uses that I have ever read. :thumb
Mutley .......... sell the bike, buy a nissan micra furfecksake.
.. Today I nearly tipped the bike over with no wheels on :eek: and the only thing I grabbed was a front indicator - which came away in my handHave you thought of selling the film rights Mutley? :D :D
ELIMINATOR
22-10-06, 11:18
Mutley, have you cracked the torque wrench yet? No pun intended, but with your track record :rob
Have you thought of selling the film rights Mutley? :D :D
...or move closer to steptoe :D
You took both wheels off at the same time ? :eek:
Yep, the Adventure is perfectly blalnced so you can do this. Obviously I put a block under the front forks and a jack under the swing arm :mmmm
Mutley
You simply shouldn't be doing this.
How in God's name did you get the rear caliper on? If the wheel was seized solid when it was installed, what force did you use to fit it?
:hammer
There are plenty of guys on the forum who have the skills, competencies and aptitude to do their own maintenance.
If you're not one of them, have to courage to recognise it and the sense not to try, lest you kill somebody (like yourself)!
Greg
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
You worry too much Greg, although thanks for your concern :thumb
Mutley, have you cracked the torque wrench yet? No pun intended, but with your track record :rob
It seems straight forward enough, set the reading by unscrewing the han dle the tighten till the wrench cracks :confused:
Unfortunately the drive in the wrench is the wrong size for the torx bit holder. More money to spend I suppose :nenau
A lunatic escaped from an asylum, broke into a laundry, raped the workers and ran away.................................
Sorted!
Regards, Mick :thumb
NUT, SCREWS WASHERS, and BOLTS :D :eek: :eek:
NUT, SCREWS WASHERS, and BOLTS :D :eek: :eek:
i am so glad you explained that to me :)
Show us your torque wrench then.......big boy :D Then perhaps we can help.
I assume that it has a little window somewhere, with little numbers inside?
The reason I've never used it is because it belonged to my dad and doesn't have anything quite as easy to understand as a window with numbers in it.
Tark, some people don't use torque wrenches........................even when there's one in their garage :nenau :confused:
Well here is a picture so you can see why I've never used it before. I have now bought a 1/2" to 3/8" adapter so I can use my torx kit on the caliper bolts, and I've checked it all and I'm happy it won't come undone :cool:
Well here is a picture so you can see why I've never used it before. I have now bought a 1/2" to 3/8" adapter so I can use my torx kit on the caliper bolts, and I've checked it all and I'm happy it won't come undone :cool:
If I were you, I would get the calibration checked, just in case :thumb
If I were you, I would get the calibration checked, just in case :thumb
WHY ???
I have the same model, bought new in 1965, never had a moments trouble with it. :rob
just torqued my axle bolts and checked with M8's>> { digi cost a fortune snap on one } cos you sowed seed of doubt:(
Exactly right, still perfect 41 years on and many 1000's of nuts and bolts torqued !!:) :thumb :thumb
:bounce1
Brave man admiting you aint cut out for it...cos everybody else is" pops yoshimura" .just ride and pay somone else to do it.
Dont have to know about bikes to luv em.. :beerjug:
WHY ???
I have the same model, bought new in 1965, never had a moments trouble with it.
But thats my point, how do you know if its ok :nenau Could be under or could be over tightening, who knows. :nenau
For example, I had mine checked by the people we use at work for doing all ours and they scrapped it as not being accurate enough :spitfire
At the end of the day, it is a precision measuring instrument and therefore it should be treated as such.
I wonder how many people just chuck them back in the bottom of the tool box without backing the tension off. :nono
I got a "norbar" one that goes low,its for bikes,then a normal range one.and a big one that i never bloody use..try a bike specific shop.do a search for norbar :beer:
For example, I had mine checked by the people we use at work for doing all ours and they scrapped it as not being accurate enough :spitfire
At the end of the day, it is a precision measuring instrument and therefore it should be treated as such.
I wonder how many people just chuck them back in the bottom of the tool box without backing the tension off. :nono
Do you want to take mine to work and check it out then? ;)
Do you want to take mine to work and check it out then? ;)
No worries, drop it off when you are passing, or wait till the next meeting :nenau
I wonder how many people just chuck them back in the bottom of the tool box without backing the tension off. :nono
mine just turns itself off :D
I wonder how many people just chuck them back in the bottom of the tool box without backing the tension off. :nono
I read the instructions when I bought it:) :rob
Never lend it out. and if anyone uses it, round my garage/workshop, winding off tension is compulsory, or 7lb lump hammers get airborne :spitfire :spitfire
, or wait till the next meeting :nenau
It might be a bit unweildy to carry on yer peddly bike......
You might fall off...AGAIN... :D :D :D
Remember: Lefty Loosy Righty Tighty.
Works for me.
Remember: Lefty Loosy Righty Tighty.
Works for me.
Until you encounter a left handed thread.... :D :D :D
You can teach an old fat dog new tricks :clap
Removed the back wheel today, had new tyre fitted, replaced back wheel :thumb2
Only one minor drama ......
I've fitted a top box since the last time so when I took the back wheel out it nearly fell off the stand :o Caught it though and no damage done ;)
You can teach an old fat dog new tricks :clap
Removed the back wheel today, had new tyre fitted, replaced back wheel :thumb2
Only one minor drama ......
I've fitted a top box since the last time so when I took the back wheel out it nearly fell off the stand :o Caught it though and no damage done ;)
What you fail to mention Mutters, is the fact that this time there was an adult in attendance should things have gone tits up again.
You can teach an old fat dog new tricks :clap
Removed the back wheel today, had new tyre fitted, replaced back wheel :thumb2
Only one minor drama ......
I've fitted a top box since the last time so when I took the back wheel out it nearly fell off the stand :o Caught it though and no damage done ;)
:thumb2
Next you can learn how to change the tyres yerself.
It's actually dead easy, but really intimidating if you haven't done it before...but oh so satisfying actually doing it yourself :)
And no, you don't need to balance TKC's ;)
(RIP) Shenzi
03-05-07, 22:10
I am a complete numptie
Don't worry about it, I'm sure it is a birth defect!:D
Sorry Mutters, couldn't resist it!:beerjug: :hide
Remove pads from caliper before removing caliper.
Remove caliper before removing wheel.
Refit wheel before refitting caliper.
Refit caliper before refitting pads.
Fail to do the above and that`s why you`re a numpty. :D :D :D
Are you saying that you can change brake pads without removing the calliper (front/rear)?? (obviously I'm a novice at this).
Are you saying that you can change brake pads without removing the calliper (front/rear)?? (obviously I'm a novice at this).
Never changed the front so cant comment.but you should remove the rear caliper (its not difficult) to change the pads as well as cleaning off dirt and checking that the pads are free to move in and out.
Are you saying that you can change brake pads without removing the calliper (front/rear)?? (obviously I'm a novice at this).
:D :D
I could say that obviously you`re not trying hard enough.....or that I had been working on a Jap bike prior to posting....but in reality it`s a superb example of the effects of an early evening bottle of wine..... :D
What you fail to mention Mutters, is the fact that this time there was an adult in attendance should things have gone tits up again.
I'll have you know I took the wheel out at home and THEN went to Vern's. :spitfire
He was only involved in using his contacts to get a criminally cheap fitting and balancing job done :clap
I then went home with the loose wheel and replaced it ON MY OWN :dabone
Never changed the front so cant comment.but you should remove the rear caliper (its not difficult) to change the pads as well as cleaning off dirt and checking that the pads are free to move in and out.
Seen that, done it, got the dirt!
Ta.
TRY READING A MANUAL, PREFERABLY FOR THE MACHINE IN QUESTION :blast
And no, you don't need to balance TKC's ;)
Happy to admit being a technical numpty aswell :o But how come TKCs don't need balancing? :confused:
Happy to admit being a technical numpty aswell :o But how come TKCs don't need balancing? :confused:
Cause they vibrate so bloody much when balanced, running them unbalanced can only make them better.
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