Page 1 of 6 123 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 16 of 91

Thread: Mojo Hunting In Morocco: A ride report of sorts.

  1. #1
    Deleted account W
    Guest

    Mojo Hunting In Morocco: A ride report of sorts.




    Dear reader, this is a tale of pure fiction unlike most of my other scribblings here, which are works of pure shite.

    I awoke with that horrible feeling that I was missing something; I turned to find my lovely assistant grunting sweetly beside me. So it must be something else. I donned my silk smoking jacket and fluffy mules and padded out to the garage.

    The bottom fell out of my world when I realised what was missing. My Mojo was gone. Some lowlife had had away with it during my slumbers.

    In its place was a child like scribbled note in green crayon on the back of an Anne Summers receipt for a pair of studded black leather shorts from their “Big Boy” range.

    It read:

    Waldin,

    We have your Mojo. If you want it back then be in Marrakech on the 19th and all will be revealed.

    Love and kisses,
    Wild Bill Hiccup and Ali Bar Bill.

    I was shocked and immediately reached for the phone. The local dibble listened to my tale of woe. They said that they were sorry but as they'd been tasked to record the speed of every motor vehicle in the UK and then send the owners a £60 bill to cover the costs then they had little time left to be looking for a pair of Mojo kidnapers. There was only one option left; I tasked my lovely assistant with the job of booking the flight while I packed a quantity of unmentionables in a rather natty crocodile skin holdall.

    I was off on a mission to save my Mojo and I could sense that I would need all my finely honed wits and razor like reactions on this one. Just to cover all the bases I rang The Boy Burton and invited him along. His assistance on previous missions with regard to alcohol redistribution and male grooming techniques had proven invaluable. He agreed to come along for the ride as long as he got first dibs on the shower caps and tiny soaps in the hotel bathrooms. Fine by me.

    To be continued……….

  2. #2
    Uinneag
    Guest
    One sits and waits with abated breath

  3. #3
    What a waste. Click here to find out how to Subscribe
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    S/W London.
    Posts
    50,050
    I take it this'll be a real report. Not one that requires vast computer knowledge of codec things, and all other possible methods herein to turn a reader off.

    Lets bring it on
    All your BMW servicing needs at the .gsshop.biz, including 1200 models

    Recommended as an "excellent independant" in Ride magazine 2009.

  4. #4
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    Siorrachd Obar Dheathain
    Posts
    13,846
    Quote Originally Posted by H.R.H. OONYACK View Post
    One sits and waits with abated breath
    Still waiting

  5. #5
    Son of Ah Knah Yee Click here to find out how to Subscribe
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    The North East
    Posts
    40,815
    Go baby!



    PUI since 2004


    [url=https://www.TickerFactory.com/]


  6. #6
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    Siorrachd Obar Dheathain
    Posts
    13,846



  7. #7
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    The Hoose
    Posts
    20,545
    Give the intrepid adventurer a chance to sip his Pimms and collect his thoughts

  8. #8
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    Siorrachd Obar Dheathain
    Posts
    13,846
    Quote Originally Posted by TUNED IN View Post
    Give the intrepid adventurer a chance to sip his Pimms and collect his thoughts
    As it's taking a while, maybe the Pimms was nicked along with the mojo

  9. #9
    Trippy
    Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by Steptoe View Post
    I hope this'll be a real report, the type we have come to expect from Morrocan explorers of late. Not one that only has boring old photo's but one with snappy short films that record your adventure for us to share.
    +1 to that.

  10. #10
    What a waste. Click here to find out how to Subscribe
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    S/W London.
    Posts
    50,050
    Quote Originally Posted by Trippy View Post
    I hope this'll be a real report, the type we have come to expect from Morrocan explorers of late. Not one that only has snappy short films that record your adventure for us to share because you can't write anything humorous or interesting because of a lack of imagination.

    .
    +1 to that
    All your BMW servicing needs at the .gsshop.biz, including 1200 models

    Recommended as an "excellent independant" in Ride magazine 2009.

  11. #11
    Trippy
    Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by Steptoe View Post
    The kind of report that will set you aside from other riders, sorry explorers, and earn you mucho respect with in the adventure motorcycling community
    + 1 to that.

  12. #12
    Deleted account W
    Guest
    There must have been a mistake. My lovely assistant knew my usual travel requirements, Club Class and champagne as a minimum but yet I found myself sat on a rather sweaty plastic seat which was barely large enough for a child never mind a man of my sturdy build. It appeared I was on one of those economy airlines that I’d heard people of the lower orders enthusing about in the odd public bar I’d wandered into by mistake.

    The lady who I took to be a cheap hooker due to her ample use of eye liner and florescent lipstick turned out to be the air hostess. She could barely muffle her snorts of laughter when I asked the whereabouts of the in-flight cocktails and smoked salmon canapés. This was going to be a tough mission.

    I landed in Marrakech and waded through a customs hall full of Easy Jetters and BMI Babies let out of the UK to buy cheap fake Rolex watches and drink overprice Bacardi and Cokes in the hotel bars of Marrakech. A text message from The Boy Burton confirmed he’d rolled into the city this morning too. He’d meet me at The Hotel Benihill where we’d decide on our next move.

    As I walked out of the terminal to hail a hackney cab I sensed something was wrong, within seconds this was confirmed. A pair of used gentleman’s Y-fronts were forced over my head and I was bundled into the back of a Land Rover full of sweaty bike boots and helmets. I passed out from the smell within seconds.

    I awake to find The Boy Burton wafting Issey Miyake after shave under my nose to revive me. While performing his ablutions in the ensuite he’d heard the door slam and found me on the bedroom floor with the Y-Fronts still on my head. At first he took it that I’d been on a bender and had rolled in as usual a little worse for wear. But then he found a note pined to my cravat, we had been summoned to a briefing in the hotel bar by a group going by the name of The Moto Morocco Team at six.

    We were in The Hotel Benihill and from the balcony I could see the vehicle that had brought me here. I felt I was getting close to the miscreants who’d stole my Mojo.


  13. #13
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    the Netherlands...Hiding behind the dykes...
    Posts
    919
    what are you talking about? ... you can see it parked in front of the Defender...

  14. #14
    What a waste. Click here to find out how to Subscribe
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    S/W London.
    Posts
    50,050
    Quote Originally Posted by Trippy View Post
    I hope this'll be a real report, the type we have come to expect from lightweight ex-Morrocan explorers . Not one that i have to read. My mouth moves when i read and i dribble on the keyboard which causes much mess. Plus i like looking at 3 minutes of landscapes, and 10 seconds of a bike going past out of focus
    .
    + 1 to that
    All your BMW servicing needs at the .gsshop.biz, including 1200 models

    Recommended as an "excellent independant" in Ride magazine 2009.

  15. #15
    Deleted account W
    Guest
    It was a plan of fiendish cunning. Wild Bill Hiccup and Ali Bar Bill explained in the hotel bar why myself, and as it turned out, five other gentleman motorcyclists had been summoned to Morocco in the pursuit of our vehicles.

    Their business was bike tours and we were to be their travelling publicity campaign for two weeks. We would be tortured into riding on spectacular roads and forced to stop in exotic hotels along the way. We would all be photographed during this time and would be expected to smile and pretend we were enjoying the breath taking scenery and glorious sunshine. Maps were produced showing seriously wriggly roads and overnight stops in strangely foreign named towns. Only after all this would we be allowed to return to the UK with our bikes.

    These men were evil.

    I turned to The Boy Burton and realised he was already half cooked on cheap G&T’s, I’d need to explain this all to him again when he'd dried out in the morning. I ordered a double myself and listened to the Mu’adh-dhin calling people to prayer from the medina and the sound of two Australian backpackers arguing with a waiter over a bar bill.

    Tomorrow we would begin the tour…………

  16. #16
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Trapped
    Posts
    7,440
    Quote Originally Posted by Waldin View Post


    We were in The Hotel Benihill and from the balcony I could see the vehicle that had brought me here. I felt I was getting close to the miscreants who’d stole my Mojo.

    Is it true that since Waldin & Sir James stayed there that the hotel has changed it's name to 'The Hotel Benny Hill'

Page 1 of 6 123 ... LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Anyone attending a Ride Out or Event organised through the UKGSer Forums does so at their own risk.
UKGSer.com or anyone organising an event posted here will not be held responsible in any way for damage or personal injury sustained while attending any such events.

Members attending any such event do so at their own risk.

The text, images, graphics, sound files, animation files, video files, and their arrangement on this Website are all subject to copyright and other intellectual property protection. These objects may not be copied for commercial use or distribution, nor may these objects be modified or reposted to other sites without prior written permission.

Disclaimer: Use or depiction of the BMW logo or trademark throughout this web site is for illustrative and editorial purposes only, and to the benefit of the trademark owner, with no intention of infringement of the trademark.

The UKGSer Forums may include adult content for which it cannot be held responsible. Your use of this website constitutes acceptance of the UKGSER network privacy policy

"Its about being a grown up hooligan - and if that means a dark visor, remus open pipe and a bit of speeding out of town then all well and good"