We came. We saw. We left.

Nice Description Steppers

"Suddenly att come over all queer, he was fizzing like spit on a hot plate, buzzing like a stuck door bell in a home for the deaf.
He was difficult to understand being apoplectic with excitement but amongst the babbling and spittle he kept saying he'd seen a car, a red car, a fecking big red car driving on the beach, but it had now driven out of sight around the harbour wall. Off he ran like an 10 year old after an ice cream van bellowing and waving his arms around for us all to follow and see this red car. .
It was a Rover 216"

What is He ? Son of Red Robbo from the old British Leyland Plant

Was hoping to put this down to a Lennon style "Lost Weekend".

So thanks for reminding me.

Amongst many highlights was jackass dave keeping hold of a bike for 72 hours and how well Melch hides his weight.

Also att is a real person and not some warped figment of BHTs imagination whilst tripping on magic mushrooms.

Little bit of weekend magic fellas, funniest trip write up for ages, as my young ones say lmao.

This just gets better! Nice to see you offroading the Harley's.

My wife is quite taken by Att!

Steptoe said:

This was all too much for Melch, who nearly exploded and needed to decompress by laying perfectly still on a bench until air leakage reduced the pressure . I expect this is where the term "bench tested" originated.

Click to expand...

You are very astute Neil. If you look carefully you will see a middle finger sticking up. At first glance you could be forgiven for thinking this was some kind of oafish abuse – not so...I am actually pressing a pressure release valve built into my nipple. 30 seconds after this shot was taken I sprang up almost completely deflated (until we hit the ice-cream parlour).

Melch said:

You are very astute Neil. If you look carefully you will see a middle finger sticking up. At first glance you could be forgiven for thinking this was some kind of oafish abuse – not so...I am actually pressing a pressure release valve built into my nipple. 30 seconds after this shot was taken I sprang up almost completely deflated (until we hit the ice-cream parlour).

Click to expand...

Nipple valves are items of pure pleasure to use.
Achieving maximum productivity with minimum wasted effort or expense.

See below for a "before and after" comparision.

Near to exploding you lay on a flat surface, as per instructions.
And while slowly breathing out you press the nipple release valve.

As you can see, your head has almost disappeared into your expanding torso.



But within seconds the deflation and relief were apparent in your beaming smile. .



It then required all of us sitting on you to stop you heading back for seconds on a slab of double cream banana boat.

Steptoe said:

It then required all of us sitting on you to stop you heading back for seconds on a slab of double cream banana boat.

Click to expand...

who's the miniature leather clad man standing on his chest

Looks like somebody has beaten you to it!

Duchess said:

who's the miniature leather clad man standing on his chest

Looks like somebody has beaten you to it!

Click to expand...

That was a bloke who was called "the penguin of death" at the time.

And yes, you're correct. He was very, very tiny, as you can see by the size of the flower pot and the bottom of the lamp post he's standing next to.

got to get myself a fairground ride

they are horrible

Steptoe said:

That was a bloke who was called "the penguin of death" at the time.

And yes, you're correct. He was very, very tiny, as you can see by the size of the flower pot and the bottom of the lamp post he's standing next to.

Click to expand...

it was the lack of food wot dunnit....I was 6'3" and 19 stone before I set off.....Oh, the cruelty of these boyos.....

A long time has passed, and if my memory was a little hazy due the alcohol consumed, it certainly hasn't been helped by the progress of time. I'll do my best, but can't promise to get everything order in chronological.

Now where were we, France.

I seem to remember Jackassdave doing the evenings food. Can't recollect what it was.
But alcohol was consumed, and intellectual discussions took place concerning the relative merits of french philosophers on our modern society.
Someone quoted Albert Camus "You cannot create experience.You must undergo it".
To which someone fired a retort by Jacques Derrida "I never give in to the temptation to be difficult just for the sake of being difficult. That would be to ridiculous", and everyone looked at ATT.

This intellectual repartee seemed to drift on for hours, but in fact lasted less than two minutes, and we went back to lighting farts, nose picking, telling bawdy jokes and drinking for the rest of the night.

Next morning, after the queue for the shower had subsided it was breakfast, and twizzle set off for the raisen pain and crossianteries.
But his bike wouldn't start. Somehow (memory loss) we still ended up with our pastries and cups of tea.
Then after a group discussion it was decided to fix Twizzes's bike, by committee.




He was to remove the tank, everyone was to stand around giving an opinion, and Melch unwrapped his brand new tool roll.


The fault was diagnosed, by DaveG (i think) who'd suggested lack of vacuum causing fuel starvation.



We siphoned some fuel from atts bike, filled twizzes carb bowl, and started his bike, hooray, which then promptly stopped in a nano second due to the eggcup of fuel available in the carb float bowl, the carbs injector pump and mostly twizz's intemperate use of the throttle.

After a committee meeting, the conclusion was the vacuum pipe had broken off. Not helped by twizzles overenthusiastic removal of the tank.
Easily remedied by cutting off some slack elsewhere in the fuel line and substituting it for the broken section.
We then had twizzle regalling us with what he assumed was a witty anecdote while holding the tank as we all waited for him to reassemble his bike. PUT THE FECKING TANK BACK ON, was heard to be said ......... we were hungry.

And I think we also succeeded in dirtying most of Melches new unused tools, even those not needed.

So it was decided we were off the a local restaurant for lunch.




Same restaurant as we visited last year, where codcutter had scallops for starter, and scallops for main dish..

We arrived just after a 52 seater coach load of tourists had just pulled up and piled in . No room inside, but we could sit outside on the covered terrace. Yes please. And we proceeded to go through the menu, including deserts. And the waitress and her jugs were to be admired......





There was a downpour while we sat on the terrace. Fortunately only att and melch were in danger of a soaking.





Melch had his obligatory "plat du tribute pour diabetes", and all was good in the world.

.

After lunch some shopping had to be done, for beers and wines, and some crudities to dip in them.
The happy shoppers.

.

Once back at Lez chez twizz a walk was needed to help the digestion. Just two minutes up the hill is the old hanging tree. Once there we looked at the tree, said is that it.... and then saw signs to the "Stone".
Funnily, there wasn't that much interest in seeing a stone, but Oblertone and jackass decided to have a gander, the rest of us went back to watch the cup final on TV. Apparently we missed out on a great cultural experience.



The alcohol was opened. And saw two groups go their separate ways.
The thoughtful, deep and meaningful went into the lounge to discuss humanity and is there a god.
The group in the kitchen just got rat arsed and danced.

Through the alcoholic fog one thing still managed to register in my mind with startling clarity..........
Why do att's dance moves look like a leper throwing a pork pie.



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The following morning started slowly. We departed in dribs and drabs going our separate ways, back to the ports, back to work, back to our loved ones and back to a normal diet.

When i left, late morning, just twizzle and oblertone remained.

As i slowly rode off i looked back one last time to wave, they were standing at the window next to each other waving back, both wearing just their underpants.

To be resumed this coming May....

Harleys fuck with your head......

There must have been a point where you could just say no...

How did I miss this the first time round?

Ooh i say, that was all rather fun (and the pictures are all still in place, unlike my other ride reports) .

Just had a re-read seeing as the crowd of deviants are about to set off on a Harleyesque road trip.. .

Enjoyed that trip down memory lane....

like a good whine () the story has aged very well.

A few years back a friend and myself went to Pegasus Cafe on our WW2 Harley WLA's, Madame Gondree made all the diners who were eating outside stand up and move their tables (mid meal) so we could park our bikes outside the front door, not one person argued or questioned her, apparently she's just like her mother.
Meme Gondree senior spoke and understood German but never let on to her customers consequently she heard many a snippet of useful information which found its way to the appropriate ears, what a woman.

I missed that first time round, ta

Melch, you haven't aged a bit. Indeed, you grow younger by the day x

Andres