Girlie joke.

spikerjack 46

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:aidan

Another one from the missus.




Woman in jewellers admiring a big diamond ring.

As she leans down for a closer look she lets rip with a fart.

Hoping no ones noticed, she asks, ' How much is that one ?'

Jeweller says 'Madam, if you farted looking at it, you'll shit yourself when I tell

you the price.'
 
two ladys in a lift in harrods one sez to the other i love your perfume what is it channell no5 €150 a bottle replys the 1st lady i,m wearin the latest perfume by gucci €280 a bottle sez the 2nd lady ,with this a little old lady standin in between them lets a thunderin fart,looks up sheepishly to the two girls an sez brussell sprouts 25p a pound :aidan
 
two ladys in a lift in harrods one sez to the other i love your perfume what is it channell no5 €150 a bottle replys the 1st lady i,m wearin the latest perfume by gucci €280 a bottle sez the 2nd lady ,with this a little old lady standin in between them lets a thunderin fart,looks up sheepishly to the two girls an sez brussell sprouts 25p a pound :aidan

:aidan

:clap:clap



Teacher asks the class to make a sentence up with the word 'definitely' in it.

Straight away wee paddy shoves his hand up.

The teachers a bit hesitant about letting Paddy answer but lets him go ahead.

'Teacher, do farts have lumps in 'em?' he asks,

'No Paddy,' she replies, 'why?'

'Cos then I've definitely shit my pants.'
 
*sneaks in and.....

Paddy stands accused of throwing an Englishman from the 12th story of a block of flats.

Judge says "Paddy how do you plead"

Paddy... "Guilty your honour, but he was only an auld brit"

Judge... " Thats not the point Paddy, he could have hit someone"


*sneaks out.... :augie :green gri
 
:aidan

A young woman said to her doctor - ' You've got to help me. I hurt all over.'

'What do you mean' enquired the doctor.

The woman touched her knee with her right index finger and yelled 'ow, that

hurt.' She then touched her chin and again yelled out in pain. She touched

her ear lobe and again she yelled out in pain. 'I'm sore all over' she complains.


The doctor asks her is she a natural blond.

'Why yes I am,' she replies.

'Thought so' says the doctor. 'You've a sprained finger.'
 
Teacher asks the class to make a sentence up with the word ...............

Teacher asks the class to make a sentence up with the word contagious in it.
We paddy responds, "the woman next door is painting her house, my dad said it will take the contagious to finish the job".
 
The marriage of an 80-year-old man and a 20-year-old woman was the talk of
the town. After being married a year, the couple went to the hospital for
the birth of their first child. The attending nurse came out of the delivery
room to congratulate the old gentleman and said, 'This is amazing. How do
you do it at your age?' The old man grinned and said, 'You got to keep the
old motor running.'

The following year, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of
their second child. The same nurse was attending the delivery and again went
out to congratulate the old gentleman. She said, 'Sir, you are something
else. How do you manage ! it?' The old man grinned and said, 'You gotta keep
the old motor running.'

A year later, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their
third child. The same nurse was there for this birth also and after the
delivery, she once again approached the old gentleman, smiled, and said,
'Well, you surely are something else! How do you do it?' The old man
replied, 'It's like I've told you before, you got to keep the old motor
running.'

The nurse, still smiling, patted him on the back and said: 'Well, I guess
it's time to change the oil. This one's black.

:green gri
 
Stephen Hawkins was rushed to hospital last night with severe injuries. He has sustained a broken left ankle, broken left wrist, fractured left collar bone, a fractured left cheek bone and a black left eye. Apparently he was on a date..........But the lady stood him up!!! :blast
 
:aidan

Paddys saved a bit of money up and heads to a nudist colony.

Whilst wandering about it, he spies this beautiful curvy blond and

immediately strikes a hard on. The blond sees his erection and comes over to

Paddy and enquires 'Sir, did you call for me ?'

Paddy replies 'No'.

The blond explains to Paddy, 'the rules of the club are if I give you an

erection, you call for me

The blond then gives Paddy the best sex he's ever had.

Later that day, paddy gives the sauna a visit. As he sits down, he lets rip

with a fart. A huge fat hairy guy gets up, drops his towel and displays an

erection. 'You called for me, Sir ?'

Paddy tells him 'No.'

'The rule of this club is if you fart, it implies that you called for me', where

upon the big guy throws Paddy on the floor and his way with him.

As soon as it's over, Paddy rushes to his room, gets his things together and

heads for the exit. On his way out he is stopped by the manager and

asked is everything OK.

Paddy tells him he's leaving early.

The manager asks 'Why?' and Paddy replies, 'I'm 70 years old, I get an

erection once a month and fart 20 time a day.'
 

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