Sorry I should have read this earlier
The story got even better - I decided in my own stupid way that oven gloves are heat resistant and so I purchased some in Skegness along with some new under kex (they are not just under kex - they are M&S under kex!) I also bought some febreze to spray on my "smoky" clothes and some autosol which I polished the exhaust cans with. I then put one round each exhaust so the already scorched throwover panniers would be protected by the oven gloves - brilliant eh!
So off we set, all is well in the world and I am following my mate at a relaxed pace. After about twenty miles I can hear Verna shouting through the autocom "LOOK AT THIS BLOODY IDIOT RIDING SO CLOSE TO US!" and I became aware of a sportsbike rider really close alongside us waving his left arm frantically and shouting "YOUR BIKE IS ON FIRE!" So I pull to the side of the road (on an urban clearway, at a hidden dip in the road with cars zooming by perilously close and shouted to Verna to get off quick so I could get off myself to see what was going on.
In the meantime the heroic sportsbike rider (nice chap) had pulled up behind me and by the time Verna had got off and before I had chance to get off myself, grabbed hold of the throwover panniers and lobbed them onto the grass verge, luckily the only thing that was on fire was the nearside oven glove!
So now we are stood on the grass verge, the sportsbike rider had shot off to join his mates and I was hoping my mate would be noticing i was not in his rearview mirrors and maybe come to offer some assistance.
Verna was thinking about putting the panniers on top of the seat behind me and getting the train home but I had more Heath Robinson tricks up my sleeve!
She suggested I put the bike on the grass verge but I thought it looked a bit soft and decided to keep the bike where it was even though the traffic was passing REALLY CLOSE and REALLY FAST.
Just then I saw`Ian coming the opposite way - he had been alerted by the sportsbike rider that I was "on fire" and had turned around to see if he could help me. He crossed the carriageway on his bike as he approached and parked nose to nose with me.
I told him I was going to strap my overloaded and really wide panniers to the topbox! Brilliant or what! I had some extra bungee hooks and straps with me and even though the overall width was getting on for five feet and the weight was VERY high up (the Givi Maxia 46 is mounted atop of an Al Jesse rear compartment) I felt I had no option but to try it and see.
Ians wife Caroline was stood on the grass verge talking to Verna and Ian just rolled his eyes muttered something like "bloody lunatic" and told Caroline to wait with us while he went to turn the bike around.
I set about hurriedly mounting the panniers either side of the topbox whilst dodging the traffic and turned to see Verna in fits of laughter as Caroline disappeared - the very soft grass verge had given way - and she wanted me to put my bike on it! So we pulled her back through the hedge and watched her get back on board and Verna and myself gingerly boarded an overloaded Adventure now with all our luggage perched as high as possible.
Now I had filled the bike with fuel on the Friday we set off and had done about 230 miles so the tank was fairly light - I discovered a really easy way to wheelie a GS! Luckily I was very gentle on the throttle and Verna didn't notice the gentle "hoisting" at the front although she wondered why I was occasionally standing and trying to sit on the tank.
Anyhow this was cured by a full tank of fuel at the next service station and we managed to get home in one piece with no real drama.
There isn't another bike I can think of that could be loaded so absurdly and still get you hame - Verna says I can now buy some "proper" metal panniers!
"if Grand Trousers oblivious to burning panniers on way to Skeggy 
at weekend, then valuable boozing 
time lost on Saturday buying replacement Y-fronts".
Fancy a trip out Mark, need to keep my hands warm later 
