Mass git avoidance ride needed.

[Lamble]

I need a Friday mid AM, thro' Sunday tea time ride, for next weekend, urgently.
This will get me out of cooking for over 100 little gits, who are attending my host's son's leaving for America Party. He's the last person I feel like helping with anything the objectionable, lazy, leech, with an attitude of a princess and the manners of a turd.

So, anyone able to come up with a legit all weekend ride they know of, or am I just going to have to make one up and go anywhere anyway?
And if I do, anyone fancy going too. I was thinking of Northumberland coast.

 

[Mort]

Just come camping in our back garden mate and make up your own excuse

 

[Deleted member TF]

Get yourself up into South Western Scotland. Up the M6 and hang a left onto the A75. A few of us stayed at the Downshire Arms,Portpatrick,01776 810300,£35 b/b. Good pubs/food,sat outside overlooking the harbour,good craic.
Lovely roads down to Whithorn,around the coast,up to Girvan,around New Galloway,Newton Stewart.
Not too far but far enough,nothing too mountainous but great roads and little traffic.

 

[Decster]

what's exactly is meant by my 'host's son' ?



if it was me i'd be up early and gone and while away think of an excuse...

 

[Terry NW]

love to come with you on your bike ride but my back is in bad shape.. so Pretend your on your bike and come and give me a hand tiling next weekend

 

[Buz]

What trade's have you? Shep is looking for volunteers for the weekend, good cause and a genuine reason not to be around home...
Take a look at this thread

 

[Lamble]

what's exactly is meant by my 'host's son' ?



if it was me i'd be up early and gone and while away think of an excuse...

Since returning rather briskly and unexpectedly from the USA, I have been staying at a friend's house. They let me stay here foc, so I have to be subtle about the fact that their 21 yr old is a waste of breath. I'm also not allowed to chastise him, use his jam, or say anything when he walks in, turns over the TV that I've been watching, then lounges around on the sofa ignoring what he's put on , while texting, facebooking his equally git like friends (you know the white kids who think they are black from da hud, just because you can see their pants and talk like twats, "like I am well buff man"!) or, fingering up his girlfriend's knickers under a blanket, which even a moron would know didn't hide what he was doing, plus she squeaks at a pitch that makes your eye's bleed, which is a give away.
Well, he's off to the US on a golf scholarship, paid for by his doting parents, who can't see what he's like (I guess that's part of being a parent) and is having a do. I was asked to cook his food and for the 100+ guests.

However, I have good news. I have an interview in York on Thursday. If I can get the interviewer to accept that I may turn up in riding gear, then I can just carry on to the N.East.
If not, I'll have to take up one of these generous offers to help someone out and hopefully find a tin with Holy Island on the lid to bring back as a gift.

 

[Lamble]

What trade's have you? Shep is looking for volunteers for the weekend, good cause and a genuine reason not to be around home...
Take a look at this thread

I could video the work being done, perhaps knock up a few project management charts, so everyone knows what they are doing, when, where and what interdependencies there were...or sweep up stuff and put it in buckets!

However I was intending to head N.East. Although Ross on Wye is very beautiful. Fond memories of a stay at a monastery cider press in that area once.

 

[Taff]

... I was asked to cook his food and for the 100+ guests.

Now to be clear I'm not suggesting anything but wouldn't it be a pity if Mr Charisma got the trots?

No. Forget I even mentioned it.

 

[Lamble]

Now to be clear I'm not suggesting anything but wouldn't it be a pity if Mr Charisma got the trots?

No. Forget I even mentioned it.

I do have a recipe for such occasions. If only I could single him out.

His parents are short, he is quite tall. His parents pay for everything he has, he has a lot and it's all top stuff to avoid his sulking. He doesn't work as it would interfere with his golf, although he claims dole, he's not looked for a job since I've been here. I've applied for over 700 in the same time. His jam stash (Tesco finest seedless raspberry and Bonne Mama? Strawberry Conserve, which they have paid for, is kept on the top shelf and hidden behind a small collection of pots that he has assembled. I am taller than he is. So I put them out on the family breakfast table yesterday...his face...priceless, like someone had slapped him with a haddock, all indignant and puffed out hyperventilating cheeks. His Mom, "I didn't know we had these. My favourite". Every spoonful taken out and shared was a wrench of his spoiled, selfish, arrogant, twatishness, for him to endure. "Gotcha you bastid!"
It was beautiful to watch.
However, he has wreaked his revenge. He told his Dad that when I am in the TV room he can't relax like he'd like to, because he feels bad about asking to change channel...he's never asked before, only when his parents are around...his puppy dog eyes won his Dad over. I'm now confined to my room as it were. The sneaky little conniving s!!T.

I need this job in Yorkshire so very badly.

Anyway, take 100 pieces of raw chicken, drag them round the garden to coat with various forms of detritus (fox sh!t is a particularly pungent aromatic and a piquant marinade), leave over night to turn green, partially cook basting frequently with spit and bile, season to taste. Check that the meat nearest the bone is still red and bloody, serve....with relish.

 

[Lamble]

just received two emails, first from KFC asking how I'd discovered their secret recipe, the second from the interviewer who has granted me a clothing dispensation. Apart from qualifying as a rider instructor in the USA, this will be my first interview dressed in riding clothes.

Is it necessary to remove the helmet fully, even if it's a flip lid, on such occasions?
What's the protocol here?

 

[Glyno]

At least the little shit will be gone when you get back. Oh, Good luck with the interview.

 

[Mr K]

just received two emails, first from KFC asking how I'd discovered their secret recipe, the second from the interviewer who has granted me a clothing dispensation. Apart from qualifying as a rider instructor in the USA, this will be my first interview dressed in riding clothes.

Is it necessary to remove the helmet fully, even if it's a flip lid, on such occasions?
What's the protocol here?

I wouldn't worry - The fact you've passed a motorcycle license test qualifies you way above the interviewers.

 

[Lamble]

I wouldn't worry - The fact you've passed a motorcycle license test qualifies you way above the interviewers.

Do you think I should play down that I qualified as an instructor, able to issue licenses in WA State then? He may think I want to run the company!

And unfortunately, the party is two weeks before the actual departure..two long weeks, fourteen tediously frustrating days, 336 interminably long hours

On the bright side. I know where the college is that he's going to, is in a dry county, so the little pi55 head will be getting withdrawal symptoms. The other thing is that the college itself is run under a Christian regime, that's very strictly adhered to, so any fornication and perhaps they'll stone him. He's going to hate it there. Every minute of his "lillie white ass" being busted by some 20 stone black, American football line backer who "Don't dig y'atti tood man, 'n' y'aint no bro o mine" would be a moment of pure excruciating joy to watch.

 

[Lamble]

Had a mano to mano chat over a beer last night.

I'm riding in Northumberland next weekend! Hurrah!

No need for "Pollo verde a la vulpes vulpes merde".

Actually that sounds quite nice.

 

[Lamble]

Going to try a ride into history. Northumbria's Hadrian's Wall and the Roman influence in the area might make for an interesting extended weekend, especially if I can cross into the Dark Ages...no not ride to Middlesborough, the historic period of the early castles and christians.

If all roads lead to Rome, then I'm guessing if you turn around, they all lead away from Rome. I'll see if I can pick up one of those heading that way...