The lone Ranger's last request.

[GerryC]

The Lone Ranger was captured by an enemy Indian War Party.

The Indian Chief proclaims,"So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger."

"In honor of the Harvest Festival, YOU will be executed in three days."

"Before I kill you, I grant you three wishes."

"What is your FIRST wish?”

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."

The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger who talks in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away.

Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, she enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night there.

The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed.
"You have a very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you in two days."
"What is your SECOND wish?"

The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again talks in the horse's ear.

As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon.

Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, more attractive than the blonde. She enters the Lone Rangers tent and spends the night there.

The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed.
"You are indeed a man of many talents, but I will still kill you tomorrow."

"What is your LAST wish?" The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."

The Chief is curious, but agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent. The Chief’s curiosity compels him to sidle close by and listen.

The Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, Looks him square in the eye and says, Listen Very Carefully!!!!
FOR... THE... LAST... TIME... I SAID ... "BRING POSSE"

 

[NI Phil]

Brilliant

 

[Mandylicious]

Very good

 

[nud1e]

The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding across the range.
A band of Indians appear and the Lone Ranger and Tonto turn away to avoid them, but more Indians appear on all sides.
"It looks like were surrounded, Tonto" says the Lone Ranger.
There is no reply.
So the Lone Ranger repeats "It looks like were surrounded, Tonto".





































Tonto looks around, turns to the Lone Ranger and asks "Are you talking to me white man?"

 

[GerryC]

The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding across the range looking for buffalo.
Tonto hops off his horse puts his ear to the ground ans says "buffalo come".
"Good god man how can you figure that out" asks the Lone Ranger.
"Ear stuck to ground" retorts Tonto.

 

[spikerjack 46]

The Lone Ranger and Tonto are camping in the desert.
They have set up their tent and have gone to sleep.
Some hours later,the Lone Ranger wakes his faithful friend and says
'Tonto, look up at the sky and tell me what you see ?'

Tonto replies, 'Me see millions of stars.'

'Yes Tonto, but what does it mean ?'

Tonto ponders for a minute then replies -

'Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentialy millions of planets, some of which may be inhabited.

Astrologically it tells me that Saturn is in Sagittarius.

Time wise, judging by the postion of the moon, it's about twenty past three in the morning.

Meterologically it looks like we're going to have a fine day tomorrow

Theologically, it is evident that the lord is all powerful and we are small and insignificant.

What it tell you Kemo Sabi ?'

The Lone Ranger is silent for a while, the replies 'Well Tonto, It looks as if someone has stolen our tent you dick head.'

 

[(RIP) Bin Ridin]

Big Chief says to Doctor:
"All night, I lie awake. I have dreams where sometimes I am a wigwam, sometimes I am a teepee. Can you help me? "
Doctor:
"That easy, you are just too tense!"

 

[MMC]

Why did the Lone Ranger kill Tonto?

He finally found out what "Kemo sabe" really meant.

 

[GerryC]

Mrs Tonto

Tonto was at a social function with his wife Three Horses. He introduced his wife to a guest who gushes on about her beautiful name and speculates on it being inspired by horses running freely across the plains. Eventually Mrs Tonto sidles away and the guest checks with Tonto as to the true derivation of the name Three Horses.
Tonto responds "nag nag nag".

 

[nud1e]

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were at the bar drinking, when in walks a cowboy who yells, "Who's white horse it that outside?"

The Lone Ranger finishes off his whiskey, slams down the glass, turns around and says, "It's my horse. Why do you want to know?"

The cowboy looks at him and says, "Well, your horse is standing out there in the sun and he don't look too good."

The Lone Ranger and Tonto run outside and they see that Silver is in bad shape, suffering from heat exhaustion. The Loan Ranger moves his horse into the shade and gets a bucket of water. He then pours some of the water over the horse and gives the rest to Silver to drink.It is then he notices that there isn't a breeze so he asks Tonto if he would start running around Silver to get some air flowing and perhaps cool him down.

Being a faithful friend, Tonto starts running around Silver. The Lone Ranger stands there for a bit then realizes there is not much more he can do, so he goes back into the bar and orders another whiskey.

After a bit a cowboy walks in and says, "Who's white horse is that outside?"

Slowly the Lone Ranger turns around and says, "That is my horse, what is wrong with him now?"

"Nothing," replies the cowboy, "I just wanted to let you know that you left your Injun running."