Tarmac surfing 101

nud1e

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Location
Crumlin, Co Antrim, Northern Ireland
Equipment required:
any motorcycle will do, but the newer and more expensive adds to the occasion
a damp road will suffice, but a wet road is better
one or more spectators are a necessity (surfing is best viewed when the rain has stopped)
the surfer should lead the group (additional points can be gained by being ran over by the one or more of the following riders, points can be lost if one or more of the following riders are brought down by the surfer)
to maximise the surf, the author has found that excessive take off speed is not a necessity
the use of a flourescent green PVC coated boiler suit (as an oversuit) is to be encouraged - it minimises the coefficient of friction, maximises the duration of the surf and, for the spectators, is a aid to visibility in poor light
NO warning should be given before the surf begins - spontaneity is an essential requirement
Elements of a compulsory routine are tumble, spin, roll, somersault, run and "kiss your ass goodbye"

The use of video cameras by spectators can be an aid to technique and may be a source of revenue used to finance future surfing.

Begineers are encouraged to develop their skill on grass, sand or mud before moving to tarmac.

The use of gravel surfaces is to be actively discouraged.

Advanced competitors will often move on to international performances.
 
Flippin ek.... thought you knew something I didn't then... :eek: :D :D






I mostly try to keep it rubber side down... unless following Jez's GPS on unclassified 'roads'.... :rolleyes:
 
Well, I got me degree on Sunday. Only a 2:1 unfortunately.

nud1e, sounds like you just got a PHd :D
 
Wizard said:
Well, I got me degree on Sunday. Only a 2:1 unfortunately.

nud1e, sounds like you just got a PHd :D

many years ago, on the road from Enniskillen to Blacklion. A bend in the road and a ditch brought an abrupt and premature end to an acclaimed solo performance that brought such mirth to one of the spectators that he was unable to dismount and assist in my recovery. Quote "You were there one minute and then there was this green mass spinning and sliding down the road, arms and legs everywhere. It was so funny. I nearly pissed myself laughing." Such are friends.
Sprained my left wrist and ended up in a cast.
 
. . .Boithrin na smaointe, Michael, the older we get, the more we look back. . .
 
Word Failure

I'm with PJ on this; words failing Nud1e, now that is funny. While your about consider this: -

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht
oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist
and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you
can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not
raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

How did we get from tarmack surfing to this?
 
GerryC said:
I'm with PJ on this; words failing Nud1e, now that is funny. While your about consider this: -

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht
oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist
and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you
can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not
raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

How did we get from tarmack surfing to this?

a mix of too much tarmac surfing by some of us - that includes you and
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:hide
 
Is that the bit where you're sliding down the road and think

"I hope nothing hits the bike.

I hope nothing hits the bike.

Oh, here, hang on........I HOPE NOTHING HITS ME!!!!"
 
Wizard, I was just thinking - when you were sliding down the road - you should change your name to Whizzzzzzzzzzzzzzard :D :thumb
 
blobbs said:
Wizard, I was just thinking - when you were sliding down the road - you should change your name to Whizzzzzzzzzzzzzzard :D :thumb

To be honest mate, my UKGSER user name wasn't the first thing that sprang to mine :rolleyes: :D
 
CONCERN

. . .rounded a bend, rainy day in Kerry, some years back . . see an AJS sliding down the road. . pillion passenger in ditch, a bit bloody & shocked & her helmet smashed. What's the first thing the rider sez when he gets back to her?
"THE BIKE IS ALRIGHT."
 
Wizard said:
Is that the bit where you're sliding down the road and think

"I hope nothing hits the bike.

I hope nothing hits the bike.

Oh, here, hang on........I HOPE NOTHING HITS ME!!!!"

Thinks "What's happening?How the feck did this happen?What will I tell the wife?Where's the bike?I don't what to hit or be hit by the bike.Why am I not stopping?Where am I going? Was there traffic, a wall, a post?Why am I not stopping?How long have I been sliding, tumbling?This'll hurt tomorrow.They'll all be sorry now.Should have finished painting the kitchen.What music would I like at the funeral?Where's the bike?How am I gong to get home?Will I ever slow down?So far, so good."

Followed by"DON'T MOVE!LAY STILLl! See if you can wiggle your toes,now your foot,what about your fingers,wrist,arm?Try moving your head.Anything hurt, anything broken.Doesn't seem so.Let's try getting up.Got to get the helmet off,open jacket,need air. I AM :censor::censor::censor::censor:ING ALIVE. DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN.. YOU STUPID TWAT.Where's the bike?What broken?Can I ride it home?Death 0,Michael 1."

Worst moment - night, off a Lambretta 125, short slide and stop, on my back, looking back at Lambretta, engine revving, spinning on footboard, then leaping forward at me, fixed in its headlight.
Engine cut out before it could get me.
 


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