Trip report - Operation Clusterfuck

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Take helmet off for a photo but this being the Italian Lakes and me looking like I do I just get calked George and asked for selfies.

Mr Clooney can continue to save the world, I’ll deflect the fans, and head off towards the north


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The SS38 is empty and the weather is amazing.

A fabulous ride up there for sure.

A quick coffee stop and I realise that I’m close Ish to San Bernardino, not done that and my ass is ok, as is the weather

Rude not to.

Back on, honk it north......


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San Bernardino is kind of 2 phases.

The approach roads are new and super smooth wide open 4th gear 70 mph bends.

Lovely.

You then get onto basically a standard col type road but still with excellent surface.

It’s v nice and not as windey as others.

At the top it’s a BMW fest.

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These 3 are manned by 3 young guys taking photos and generally admiring the cars.

I recon on them being banker types or similar, Ive pre judged again. It’s a v bad habit , (see dodgy Ukrainians on another RR), and I’m annoyed that I’ve done it again.

They’re actually medical students from Munich.

3 rich people hired the cars one way for a blast holiday. These lads are being paid to return them. Nice job.

V friendly and they are interested in the GS too.

Note to self, you’re an arsehoe at times Mark, fucking sort yourself out.


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There’s a cafe at the top.

Be warned that a plastic cup of piss poor coffee is 4.80 Euro.

Jesus, I know there a captive audience and a few logistical issues being based on a FBH, but fuck me they should be wearing masks.

Anyway, north down the other side towards Chur. See how far I get.

Been an epic day, weather is with me so see how I go.....


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So being the pikey bastardo that I am I don’t have a vignette so I blast along the toad that tracks the motorway towards Chur.

It’s early evening now and been going about 11 hours so I recon get to Chur and crash out.

I’ve got my tarp and emergency doss kit so should be ok.

It’s a lovely evening, the road varies from honkingly fast to a single lane hairpin bended sphincter rattling ride.

On reaching Chur I’m in a groove. It’s all going well, my ass hole is still about the same size as it was at 0730 so I crack on northwards, surely I won’t make the Schwarzwald ??

It’s 18 deg still as I cross the Zurichsee at Herden and I’m in a warm bath type of zen zone.

Gas up and look for digs.

The South of the Schwarzwald serves up a room and breakfast for 29 euros.

GPS says arrival at 2307, check in closes at 2300, fuck it............. Easy Peezy Japaneszy, engage Dynamic mode, (again no difference), engage brain.

The game of ‘Beat The GPS’ is on......


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It’s dark, but it’s a fabulous ride up.

Cross the border at Koblenz, ETA now 2257 with just 4 miles to go.

Not a great time to run into a Polizei checkpoint .........

I flash back to my Great Escape your and consider kicking him in the nuts and jumping over the river back to Switzerland.

Plan B

I think speaking German helps, chap asks me where I’ve come from, I tell him the abridged version.

He asks where I’m going, to a hotel 4.2 miles up there which closes at 11 I reply looking as sheepish as possible.

He gives me a look of,

“Fook me, your azzole ist like unt Japanese Flag yah ??’

Ich Moche ein douche unt schlarf I reply.

He waves me on and I honk it up the last 4.2

Friendly bloke greets me at (honest) 2259.

Lock bike, undress, crash out.

0730 to 2259..... it’s been fucking biblical.......,


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This is what’s called a welcome site, last night it was anyway.

Great digs and it’s right at the southern tip of the 500.

That’ll be the task tomorrow.........


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Bloke shows me to my room in roof and points out the next door bathroom and that I have only a sink in the room.

I guess most people use this as an en-suite toilet anyway eh he suggests smiling.

Well after launching a poo that would kill a KTM rider into it, I’m suddenly thinking that I don’t agree.

I’ll hammer it down in the morning with my boots.........

A well deserved sleep ensues ......


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Ich Moche ein douche unt schlarf I reply.

He waves me on and I honk it up the last 4.2

Friendly bloke greets me at (honest) 2259.

Sehr Jammy !

mehr motohochwindicheit schreiben bitte! ;) :D
 
Day 7

After a monster day yesterday I sleep like a log, (as indeed does my log in the sink), and wake up breathing lovely fresh air thanks to attic window.

On peering out its a lovely day so Ill have breakfast and continue generally North.

My boots and some large swinging arcs make light work of the anal Exocet, I use a different sink to dobi in and head down to sort bike and grab breakfast.

Ever the completist, I decide to backtrack a few miles to Waldshut to pick up the start of the 500.

Breakfast is included and is good. Bike parking is discreet but not secure but all good when I go to load her up.

I blag a shit load of croissants, Rolls and Salami so that's lunch sorted too.

500 here we go...…...
 
I pop on my Klim Kit

(Purchased from UK GSer)

Slip into my boots.....

(Purchased from UK GSer)

Load my tank bag....

(Purchased from UK GSer)

Programme my GPS.....

(Purchased from UK GSer)

Hop on my bike...…

(Purchased from UK GSer)

Get going.

if anyone is selling any Y fronts they no longer need Ill be almost a complete moving Ad for the For sale Section......
 
Just made a note of a couple of those cheaper places you mentioned; can't fault you when all you need is somewhere to doss and a nosebag.:okay


Indeed. I appreciate that it may not suit folk travelling with wives, girlfriends etc but for a solo traveller or maybe 2 guys its a great way to do it.

personally the trips are about riding and the scenery and general adventure.

as long as I have a bed and shower and I feel the bike is relatively safe Im more than happy :)
 
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Take helmet off for a photo but this being the Italian Lakes and me looking like I do I just get calked George and asked for selfies.

Mr Clooney can continue to save the world, I’ll deflect the fans, and head off towards the north


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Just read back and I feel ive rather understated this bit.

I cannot recommend highly enough this bit of road.

Its about 40MPH stretch, at times you feel you could touch the lake on the right with an outstretched hand.

To my amazement the traffic is nearly zero, not the case in Jul Aug I guess.

Ive done most of Italian lakes and this is the nicest I think.

I recommend it 100pc
 
Anyway on with the 500.

Im sure plenty on here have done it.

Ive said for years that Germany is the most underrated bike destination I know of.

If you can get past reaching critical mass of Birkenstocks and Socks and Sandals tastic German tourists you're in for a treat.

I'm glad to be back in the country, I speaka de lingo which helps but its not just that.

Germany has autobahns everywhere, they are in good nic and toll free.

Due to this most German traffic uses these, leaving the A and B roads largely empty or v quiet.

They are well surfaced, and the lack of hedges means vis is generally great.

Anyway this leaves places like the 500 for clowns like me to honk up and down largely un interrupted, and boy is it good...…….
 


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