Ohhhhhhhhh Bloody hell .....
I am getting old
Today a pay and practise enduro event. And I can tell you now, I am absolutely, unequivocally, 100% ... completely fucked
Up at 0530 fannying and faffing with bikes in and out of my cramped little shed, faffing with trailers and on site at 0700 to help set up.
It's pretty much bang on 0 degrees, and with snow on the ground (yes ok Hobo Tim ... you win the snowy cock measuring competition)in no time at all, the four mile loop is just a bloody quagmire.
The north Downs is chalk, with somme like mud on top, and some times it's feckin slippery. Today there were parts where I could hardly stand up! For me, (at my skill level age and fitness), after one lap I was absolutely on my chin strap!
The mud just stuck like glue to everything! Most of the pics don't do the vast nadgery wooded sections justice - It was quite a technical course so there was little chance to get a bit of speed up and clear tyres. This is pretty much a brand new tyre
By early afternoon there were only a handful of riders left on the course. Peepes were so knackered and cold that a lot left early.
And by three oclock, we were taking down the miles and miles of tape, and feckin' hundreds of fluorescent arrows.
Bloody hell !!!!!
I was now so fecked I was getting on the bike, ride twenty yards, off the bike (ooops fall over ..) rip the arrows off the trees and stuff into a bag .. back on the bike ... feck i've stalled it and the battery's now flat ... kick it over .. drive twenty yards, off the bike ... whooooa ... fall off getting off 'cos it's so flipping slippery and my footings gone ... back on the bike ... ride twenty yards ...
Fuuuuuuuuuuuck!!!!!
Have you ever shouted 'cnuting thing' at the very top of your operatically trained voice in a muddy wood ?? Ooooooooooo it's a good feeling!!
The little bag on the back of my bike was now so full and expanded, I could barely lift my leg over the seat to get on. That and legs like jelly anyway .. Oooo bloody hell you should have heard me swearing
I dumped one load of tape and arrows in a 4x4 on the perimeter fire road.....
....and went off for another two miles of ... twenty yards, off the bike, on the bike, off the bike (Ooops stalled it .. kick it over ... ) on the bike ... try and walk fifty yards, back to the bike, try and hoist leg over on sloping camber of mud on chalk ...
I can now barely walk, and am back at work tomorrow for a full on day
Still there are some consolations in life,
Like a full glass of sherry in a hot bath, a hot woodburning stove, a piping hot supper, and a hot woman inbetween clean sheets. (Even if she does fart in Yoga).
I am getting old
Today a pay and practise enduro event. And I can tell you now, I am absolutely, unequivocally, 100% ... completely fucked
Up at 0530 fannying and faffing with bikes in and out of my cramped little shed, faffing with trailers and on site at 0700 to help set up.
It's pretty much bang on 0 degrees, and with snow on the ground (yes ok Hobo Tim ... you win the snowy cock measuring competition
)in no time at all, the four mile loop is just a bloody quagmire.
The north Downs is chalk, with somme like mud on top, and some times it's feckin slippery. Today there were parts where I could hardly stand up! For me, (at my skill level age and fitness), after one lap I was absolutely on my chin strap!
The mud just stuck like glue to everything! Most of the pics don't do the vast nadgery wooded sections justice - It was quite a technical course so there was little chance to get a bit of speed up and clear tyres. This is pretty much a brand new tyre
By early afternoon there were only a handful of riders left on the course. Peepes were so knackered and cold that a lot left early.
And by three oclock, we were taking down the miles and miles of tape, and feckin' hundreds of fluorescent arrows.
Bloody hell !!!!!
I was now so fecked
I was getting on the bike, ride twenty yards, off the bike (ooops fall over ..) rip the arrows off the trees and stuff into a bag .. back on the bike ... feck i've stalled it and the battery's now flat ... kick it over .. drive twenty yards, off the bike ... whooooa ... fall off getting off 'cos it's so flipping slippery and my footings gone ... back on the bike ... ride twenty yards ... Fuuuuuuuuuuuck!!!!!
Have you ever shouted 'cnuting thing' at the very top of your operatically trained voice in a muddy wood ??
Ooooooooooo it's a good feeling!! The little bag on the back of my bike was now so full and expanded, I could barely lift my leg over the seat to get on. That and legs like jelly anyway .. Oooo bloody hell you should have heard me swearing
I dumped one load of tape and arrows in a 4x4 on the perimeter fire road.....
....and went off for another two miles of ... twenty yards, off the bike, on the bike, off the bike (Ooops stalled it .. kick it over ... ) on the bike ... try and walk fifty yards, back to the bike, try and hoist leg over on sloping camber of mud on chalk ...
I can now barely walk, and am back at work tomorrow for a full on day
Still there are some consolations in life,
Like a full glass of sherry in a hot bath, a hot woodburning stove, a piping hot supper, and a hot woman inbetween clean sheets. (Even if she does fart in Yoga).
)
