Almost Madness

I’m forcing myself to go east. Each night when I get to my destination I’m determined to turn round, but I go for a walk and I can’t give up. I’m at war with myself and that means I’ll never win. I’m forever coming up with new coping mechanisms. Things to convince me to carry on.

https://flic.kr/p/2rnpwwM
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This is all my fault of course. Believing my own publicity and thinking I’m still 30 years old. I’ve seen a fair few bikes out on the road today but i bet almost all are on one way trips. Maybe going RTW, or riding to a destination and shipping the bikes back. I doubt many are riding out AND back all this way. That would be FUCKING INSANE😳 I should have given this a lot more thought. I should have put my bike on a train in Moscow to way out east and ridden to “almost madness” from there. That would have been the sensible option. But I’ve never been sensible.

https://flic.kr/p/2rnqCwH
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I did see a woman trapped in the back of a truck. I thought of calling for help, but then I thought bugger it, I’ll rescue her myself😁

https://flic.kr/p/2rnkhm1

At least the road finally ran out of dual carriageway today and became more the road I remember, albeit a lot busier. Fuck it’s busy now. All day you come across Truckapillars. Maybe 10-15 trucks in a tight convoy, all trying to overtake a truck speed limited to 1 mph less than theirs at the front. You have to jump from truck to truck and drop into the 20ft vortex in between. I had some very close shaves today. So close that even Shit and Happens stopped squabbling in the back seat of my head😳

Got to Omsk and the place looks like a bloody bomb site, which given the current circumstances isn’t completely unfeasible, so I ditched the ghetto and picked a random motel in the main road. Just alongside the Trans Siberian railway line. Fuck I’m glad to see that😁👍

https://flic.kr/p/2rnkhk4
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Turns out it’s run by a giggle of young girls. Maybe I’ll stay here instead of going home to my bed and bucket😁

https://flic.kr/p/2rnrkjb
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I’m up early and leave the giggle of girls in bed. Their beds that is not mine. My bed wasn’t made for giggling.

The sun is coming up and I’m riding alongside the Trans Siberian. There are two red locomotives running alongside me and singing on the tracks like sirens for me to follow them over the horizon. I can still hear them after they disappear into the trees.

The sky is busy getting its clouds in orders Mother Nature’s first chore of the day. There isn’t much traffic about yet and I have the road mostly to myself. Myself and a fuck off huge bird of prey that is. It’s stopped at the side of the road for a breakfast take-away but the take-away has other ideas and struggles free and falls to the ground as the bird takes flight.

Not things I usually see on my commute to work in Southampton. Although I do see the odd black clad vermin furtively fucking off down a footpath on an electric scooter with a bag of swag stolen from someone’s car.

https://flic.kr/p/2rnqES9
 
A few hours in I stop for a piss. Again. I forgot to pack my old bloke piss blocker tablets. Now I need a slash every 10 minutes and my old man has retreated to such an extent it looks like a discarded fag end. Maybe I’ll go to a pharmacy tomorrow and whip it out to see what they suggest. Perhaps they have miracle grow for men out here. Only one way to find out.

Might as well have lunch too. It’s more of my favourite school dinners. The menu is .. for decoration only so I point to what I think is an omelette but appears to be pig road kill that was run over by a cheese lorry.

https://flic.kr/p/2rnrkiz
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The sky has been full of big black boxing gloves full of rain all day. They’ve been punching the ground and it’s very wet but luckily they only got me with a few glancing blows

https://flic.kr/p/2rnpyWw
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Today I’ve been thinking. When I hear people say they’re in two minds, why am i always in 12 minds? What exactly the fuck is working with me? I spend all my life listening to different opinions inside my own head. That’s what’s fucking me up at the moment. Whoever I’ve got in there at the moment are real worriers. And I think I’ve worked out what’s happening. I think that as I go, I pick up restless souls at the roadside. I’m just a traveling soulsman. They jump on board, get inside my head and start throwing their weight about. I think a few days ago I must have stopped by a mini bus load of abandoned worriers. But today at lunchtime I think I picked up a couple that have heard I WAS going to “almost madness”. And now they’re in my fucking ear too. Jesus I cannot win.

Get to Novosibirsk and it starts to rain. The traffic last time I was here was epic, and today in the rain it’s even worse😞. Get to the dealers with bubbling oil and water. “Oil please” “Da” “how much?” “12800 rubles”. WTF! 4 litres of Motul oil is £125!! Shit a fucking brick😳😳. Supply and demand. What can you do. I could put the cheap Russia equivalent in but The Bitch but she is my lifeline. I bend over, pull my hidden wad from my anal cavity and make sure to give him the ones from the outside. He can’t change it till tomorrow but he lets me change it in the puddles out the back.

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Back into the traffic. This is the worse by far so far. Absolute gridlock and The Bitch hates it. I’m filtering and I come alongside a police car. I knock on the window, motion if it’s ok to filter and he says go ahead👍. Filtering shares the shit out of me out here. One wrong move and .. I don’t want to think about it.

The dealer suggested a hotel in town. I get there. Can’t find it so I park on the pavement to go look. A bloke and his mate come up to me. Shake my hand. His name is Nicoli and he is “gypsy”. I should have left right then and there.. I can’t park on the pavement. He goes to talk to a couple of blokes sitting behind me parked in a car. They have a bit of a shout and they move so I can park.

“Pop pop. Gunman” says the gypsy pointing at the car that’s moved. “Bad man. Gangster”. For some reason I think that’s fine and go to find the hotel before actually processing what he’s told me, thinking it’s probably not the best neighbourhood to stay in and riding away quickly like a girl.

Stop at the first hotel descent I can find. Today is a day my wallet obviously wants to stretch out its wings and let the money fly out. I walk in and I know I stink. I can smell my boots and they are a long way from my nose. I check in and stand at the lift. I let everyone get in and go without me. I don’t want to be responsible for a lift full of guests passing out. Me and the flies go to my room to peel off the crust of another day.

https://flic.kr/p/2rnpyUN
 
Take a walk around. Novosibirsk is a shit hole. It’s dirty and noisy and falling to pieces. Even the grandiose old station is looking sad and has a homeless nana sleeping on the ground in front of it. Look at this place and whatever your place looks like, be glad you don’t live here.

It’s late and I want to go to bed so I buy some random pots from the supermarket for dinner.

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Absolute quality :okay Proper shoot from the hip, warts and all reporting, I doubt I will get the opportunity to travel as far East in my lifetime, and up to now I was never sure if I would want to, thanks for sharing this with us monkeyboy .
 
Another epic tale of "daring or don't" from the master story teller that is MonkeyBoy.

Sitting, sipping a brew and waiting for your next page of the tale to unfold (y)
 
Thanks very much for this. I can imagine after the days you’ve had it can’t be easy to sit down and concentrate on a report. And then do it in such style.

Very nicely done if you don’t mind me saying, and best to you for the remainder of your adventure.
 
Another great story of your travels. Hope the bike continues to look after you for the rest of your adventure. (y)
 
At the risk of repetition, great to have your latest escapade to follow.
Best wishes for the remainder of your journey.
 
Get out of Novosibirsk and the satnav says “Siberian highway”. That’s good to see at least. Still a fuck load of miles to do though before I turn around and loop back. Russia is just so indescribably bloody MASSIVE.

Mother Siberia is in a foul mood and she’s throwing a fit. Rain, wind and thunder are all on the menu. All this trucks are just throwing filth all day long and as soon as it rains, the Trans Siberian becomes like one long LGBTQ+ zebra crossing. All I can see is a long rainbow of diesel and it’s scaring the shit out of me. I had to go into a town for fuel and it was even worse. If I’d have come off I’d have had a big rainbow printed right down my leathers. It’s on and off all day and my mood goes up and down with the sun and the rain.

https://flic.kr/p/2rnpyU7
https://flic.kr/p/2rnqHxR
https://flic.kr/p/2rnrkg5

Yesterday’s road kill lunch got up early this morning and said it had to leave ASAP. I am glad I’m not a toilet😁. Tried again today. No slop pots to point at so I just pointed at people’s meals instead. Let’s hope this at least forms some lumps😳

https://flic.kr/p/2rnpyTf
https://flic.kr/p/2rnpySP
https://flic.kr/p/2rnpySt
 
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