Don’t do this adventuring thing. Just don’t. Ever.
Woke up thinking what the actual FUUUCK have I got myself into here
. This is really not good at all.
My Russian mate has given me an address of a ‘bike post’ about 100 miles away. These are a network of community run sort of road houses where bikers can meet, stay, eat and hopefully help each other. I’m thinking this will be a waste of time but it’s Saturday and the freighters he suggested will most likely be closed for the weekend.
Go to the garage. Fill the expansion tank with antifreeze.. again. Start her up and head off. The route back is steep and tortuous. The bike isn’t getting an easy ride but the gauge isn’t moving. The thing is though, my right foot is getting hot. It’s getting hot because it’s covered in hot water. Hot water that should be in the engine, not on my boot and leg
. Stop after 50 miles and refill the expansion tank. This bike is not going to get me home in this state. That’s a fact.
I stop at a jet wash. To clear the radiator. Because that will fix it. NOT
Get to the location and it’s an abandoned building. BEAM ME UP SCOTTY. DO IT RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!
I hear footsteps approaching in the puddle of tears im sitting in with my thumb in my mouth. A bloke with a pork pie hat on. He points at the closed building, picks up his phone and looks at me. Someone will be coming in 10 minutes. Now all you lot who are hard anti-Russian haters can just fuck off right now. Forget what you see, what you read and what someone told you.
The Russian people are generally extremely helpful, very polite and show no animosity whatsoever. If today proves anything it’s that they’re good people. They look after each other and strangers too. Obviously that’s a generalisation but I would not get the same levels of help and patience in many countries I go to. Not unless there was something in it for them.
So we look at the bike. Water is dripping on the floor from the front. I can see at the top left of the radiator it’s all wet but that’s where the pressure cap is too. Water leaks are an absolute prize bastard to pinpoint at the best of times.
I know what’s coming. But I don’t want to do it. And The Bitch doesn’t want to get naked and be examined and poked at by Russian men. Well I’m afraid love this is what happens if you piss on my feet.
Take all the clothes off, and the tank. It’s all wet around the pressure cap but there is water everywhere. One of the blokes examines the pressure cap. Pokes it. Blows it. Declares it operational. Or should that be ‘Russian operational’
I get the torch and have a look at the radiator.
There is a mount just above the fans and at some time or another I have hit a speed bump the size of Alison Hammond and it’s actually bent the mount and compressed the top of the radiator. Cunty arse wanky knob pimples. Shit fuck shit shag and bollocks. FUUUCING HELLLL.
. Amazing. Fantastic. 
