OCD/PTSD/Panic Attacks/Anxiety/Depression

[Mongoose]

Why don't they Mongoose ?

The reasons vary from individual to individual. For some it's because their past is just too distressing to face up to. I've recently done a fair bit of work with ex soldiers who have had PTSD from conflicts as far back as the Falklands in 82 or as recent as tours of Afghanistan. Some of their experiences have been nothing less than harrowing. the external support offered to them has been very poor and reliving those experiences has in many cases re-traumatised them as part of the healing process (Not to mention me, on more than one occasion). It's hard to volunteer for something that you know is really going to hurt.

The biggest reason by far is that many of us are conditioned not to show emotion. Think about the little lad out on his bike at the age of 6. He falls off his bike and scrapes his knee. Running into the house, all he or any kid wants is a big hug, a magic plaster and some reassurance that things will be ok. He needs time to let the shock of the incident and the injury fade. If instead, he gets a bollocking for crying, told not to be so soft and that big boys don't cry, he'll feel some confusion and a lot of shame. If this message that showing emotion is bad is consistently reinforced and he suffers shaming every time he cries, then that kid will stop outward displays of emotion. He''ll feel that it's wrong to display feelings and feel in fact, that emotion isn't helpful or useful. You'd be amazed how many guys I see who tell that story - usually after their partner has left with the kids, often with someone else who has more emotional intelligence - or a different history in respect of emotion.

The cancer thing is a little different. That's usually down to the hope that it will go away or a fear that it won't. If you haven't been diagnosed with the Big C, you haven't got it.

Human beings. We're incredibly complex things.

 

[KMD]

Thanks.

 

[twizzle]

My adopted daughter has been diagnosed with PTSD due to events before our Adoption... She has been signed up countless times for sessions, attends the first one, declares it rubbish and wont return..... The professionals say, she has to want to engage... She doesn't.... At 18 she turned to drugs - now on Herion - we have guardianship of her son as he was taken into care at 6 months .... We have not seen her since August when she lost her flat as she spent the rent money (Benefits) on drugs ( get over it Daily Mail Readers) Although she txts occasionally normally asking for money - the answer is tough but always a no...

Now she is into drugs the mental health professionals don't want to know - clean first is the mantra.... She does not want to engage at the drugs place either.......

We "managed" her for 13 years (adopted at 5) and both have secondary trauma issues - my wife had a session with a professional which helps... But I have regular recurring dreams of the front door being thumped in the middle of the night by the Police or Drug Dealers looking to be paid.... ( Both these things happened, including cars being vandalised and the threats of death ) - in the end we moved house and she does not know where we have gone.........

Good luck with your work, if you can save one person.........then it's worth it...

 

[boatman]

Mr Mongoose
That is a very kind and charitable offer to make here on an open forum
I have had a brush with some of the issues described , so I know the value of the offer ( and I don't mean in monetary terms)
All the very best Sir

 

[Mongoose]

Cheers chaps. Some friends of ours have had a similar experience with their adopted daughter Twizzle and having seen such sad stories repeated over the years, it does make me tend to take one side in the nature versus nurture debate. I know a family who have adopted 2 unrelated children, one of whom went to Oxford and now has a first in Maths, the other has a very long criminal record and is a chaotic drug user. Fair play to you for doing the very best you can for a vulnerable child whom without you, possibly wouldn't have had a shot at any kind of future.

Tackling drug misuse takes a huge input from a multi disciplinary team. It is hard to work with someone who is taking psychoactive drugs, but for those who enter detox programmes, they need the psychological as well as physical treatments, if there is to be any long term gain. For both, the client has to buy into the process fully. It's difficult work and not something I have a lot of experience of - it takes a special kind of person to undertake it on a daily basis.

 

[twizzle]

From my experience - it's nature all the way......

 

[PhaedrusMC]

"It's hard to volunteer for something that you know is really going to hurt."

Probably. But I'd suggest it's even harder when you know what's wrong can't be fixed.

Generous offer, OP - kudos.

Is CBT simply a re-calibration of your fundamental personal values? For example; X is wrong/bad, but you have no power/control to change X, so you instead need to change how you feel about it/deal with it.

Changing how you feel about and deal with what's wrong/bad isn't fixing what's wrong/bad. And that seems to me to be some kind of failure. But clearly, if what's wrong/bad is beyond your control, then fixing it is out of the question.

So how do we square that off - that wrong/bad can just freely exist, and that the best we can do is just "deal with it"? What about the people for whom the wrong/bad is too much to accept and deal with? Can CBT help those guys? If not, what can?

Very few men I know don't have some sort of issue or set of issues. Even fewer have attempted to face or address them.

Twizzle - that's some serious stuff you have going on. I don't envy you, but do admire you. Hope things get better for you all.

 

[Loiq]

thank heavens I'm too stupid to need treatment

 

[Mongoose]

Blimey Phaedrus, that's a fair set of questions! In terms of tackling depression and anxiety, CBT therapists look at the beliefs you hold about yourself, the world in general and others. These views have largely been formed as a result of your life experiences, particularly in your formative years. The theory is that you develop core beliefs about yourself as a result of that experiential learning and live your life according to the rules you adopt that spring from your core beliefs. When those rules are breached, what results is a cycle of self-critical thought which has a negative affect on your psychology.

You are right in your assertion that what is done cannot be undone. No one can reverse abuse in childhood, seeing carnage in an RTA or on active service for example. All we can do is invite you to examine your beliefs about that incident and try to adapt the emotions that come from those memories. In my experience, no experience is so bad that you can't modify the way that it impacts on you psychologically. If the therapist is good at what they do (And believe me, there are an awful lot of terrible ones out there) and the client is willing to challenge themselves to change and work through some incredibly difficult and often emotional 'stuff', then the chances of success are better than 50%. For some people, it will not work, usually because they are not yet in the right place to start that process. A critical part of the initial assesment process is to ensure that clients are in the right 'place' to start therapy.

CBT, unlike most forms of counselling, is challenging, which is why it's often referred to as 'Cruel B4stard Therapy"! As a quick example, I've just finished with a client whose partner had an affair and left. 3 years later, they are still not over it and it causes a huge amount of emotional distress at unpredictable times, affecting them at work and at home. The last set of work with that client was getting them to envisage scenarios in 30 second sequences - their kids sat on the new 'step-parents' knee, the family unit as it is now watching a TV show and enjoying themselves, their partner being intimate with the new partner. Awful stuff to make them do and to watch it was very painful, let alone to go through it. Having envisaged the worst case scenarios however, their distress levels are much lower than they were and the separation is becoming less of a psychological issue, allowing them to move on with their life. I can't change the fact the partner and children left, we did however reduce the distress it was causing them. That might sound like an awful experience. It was for them. Dealing with PTSD in that way with veterans is so much worse, for me as well as the client. i thought I had seen some grim stuff, but their experiences are on a whole different level and one which can lead to a degree of secondary trauma in the therapist treating it.

We all have our issues. Some of us cope well with them, some of us don't and some of us can't. My job is to turn the latter 2 into the first in as little time and money as possible.

 

[Majesty]

I'm in total awe of your commitment and dedication M.

Well done, and long may it continue.