The memory cards were on the mantle, someone leaned over the fireplace to reach them and knocked some coal out, it fell onto the rug where the cat was sleeping, being a rather old cat it didn’t react too quickly and its coat went up in flames. Johnny, on observing the cat carnage, remained calm, he had a large glass of whisky in one hand and a tin o Tennants in t`other. Our quick witted hero realised that the whisky would only make the situation worse, so he calmly put that down. Just as he was about to soak the cat in tennants, he remembered that he was down to his last 4 dozen, so he put his tinnie doon n aw.
He picked the cat up and demonstrated how to correctly (in a Tarka type of way) extinguish the flaming feline.
This technique is sometimes confused with holding an aged cat in one hand and beating it with t`other.
The cards have never been seen since. Spooky or what.
Someone must have a photo of the cat the world,
not to mention the RSPCA, deserves to see it.