Went paintballing near Knutsford with the kids for a birthday party last year. I had the hangover from hell after a bit of a bender the night before, which was down to my neighbour's cheap plonk. (Suppose I could have drunk less of it

) We were a team of 8, Ian and I the only "adults" with 6 spotty adolescents doing Rambo impersonations

. Our opposition were an office team, containing 3 reasonably attractive women, but of course, you couldn't tell which was which in the boiler suit and helmet combo.
First game was a "raise the flag", where you have to pull a string to raise the flag on a small stockade, and keep it there for one minute. The kids voted me to be the flag man, and they would provide covering fire. This would have been fine, if they hadn't been crap at avoiding being shot themselves! I had got to the flag, was lying on the floor behind the stockade holding the string, and looking through a gap in the planks, when the opposition realised there was only me left. With 15 seconds to go, a couple of them rushed the stockade, from my prone position I could only see legs, but managed to get both of them in the thigh area. The screams told me one of them was a woman, and I wouldn't be on her list of favourites for the day. (Should I have offered to kiss it better?)
Later on, there was a game in a spread of trees, which lasted ages. No one was moving, and the trees were gradually turning orange. I had found that the pellets took a good swing to the right and down, and had wasted a few shots proving this on someone who thought I couldn't hit them. When they moved slightly, the next shot hit what must have been a "him", right in the nads! He dropped like a rock, I felt quite guilty for a second or two!
As with all things, my comeupance came later, when I was ambushed by their team and hit around seven times, two of the bruises lasting for a week.
After the game, one of the women on the other team commented that they knew which one I was, by my eyes. They were a trifle bloodshot, but I didn't realise it was that obvious through the goggles. "Oh yes," she said " we nicknamed you Darth Maul!"
Mark