Coming up Bilko`s rear

Saw you @HU-event, good read SkyGod.

MORE!! We want MORE!

Todays plan was to get to Yellowstone National Park. After leaving my motel in Helena ( not much there) I set off. Once I got out of town I pulled over and set the GPS on shortest route. This turned out to be a great idea as I did one of the nicest stretches of deserted road during my whole trip.

After an hour or so I met a pilot car that escorts you through road works.I asked him what the roadworks where like ahead and he replied that the road was a bit "torn up" and it went on for "short while".
After a ten minute wait for any other cars that didnt turn up we set off.
Torn up must be the understatement of the year!! The road was none existent. Just mud and gravel with huge slabs of broken tarmac. My Michelin pilots where clogged up after 200 yards and the back end was all over the place. His "short while" estimate went on for 7 miles After I head settled in and realised I had to get on with it I started having a lot of fun. The pilot car sped off and left me to negotiate whatever route I fancied in the broken terrain.
40 minutes later I get to tarmac again to be met by a dozen construction workers giving me a round of applause. Not wanting to show the fact I was exhausted and pissing with sweat, I merely adjusted my cravat and bid them good day. Good fun all round.
After a stop for lunch in a tiny town called Sheridan and a first class plate of corn beef hash and eggs I hit a minor road called Highway 287.
This takes you through some spectacular scenery in Madison County Montana.
With only a 100 miles or so to Yellowstone I eased off the throttle and spent some time exploring the tiny gravel roads that off shoot 287 and had a splendid time.

USA

This is a inspiring read, sounds like a great trip!
Cheers,
Mac

Oh i do hope you visited the Grand Prismatic Spring.

I finally arrived in the lovely little town ( although a bit touristy) of West Yellowstone. In what now was nudging 4pm so I thought I would get a room and hit the park tomorrow for a full day. How Naive I was...........

It was a weekend in July in the most popular National Park in the whole country. I had more chance of growing tits on my back than getting a room for the night. I went through about 20 motels listed on my Zumo then started door knocking looking for a stray bed. No chance

I headed into the park as there are a few hotels right in the centre and although I didn't hold much hope it was worth a shot.

After paying my $12 I hit the park. The first thing I noticed was the sign below. And thank god I saw it as I had every intention of molesting any stray bears or elk I set eyes on

Yellowstone is fantastic and yet again my few humble pictures won`t give you an accurate idea of what its like so I suggest you all get your arses over there at some point. My only recommendation would be to go mid week as the traffic really does build up on the weekends. There are double yellow lines most of the way which clearly forbid you from overtaking but after 10 mins of huge RV`s hitting the breaks everytime an Elk was within a mile of the road I found it easier to nip past them and start making some progress.

After a couple of hours I started heading out of the park using the North entrance which was the small town of Gardner. I had no joy with the hotels in the park so figured I was bound to find something here......Think again

Same as West Yellowstone every motel was full. Its now nearly 8pm and I`m ready to get the lean too out and rough it for the night.
Being a former Paratrooper the thought of being set about by Grizzly bears and other indigenous creatures didn`t phase me at all.

The prospect of a night in the cuds wasn`t that appealing as after 10 hours of sweating in my Belstaff I was wetter than a mermaids flannel and smelled like a tramps vest.
I was just mounting my steed when a young filley at the last motel I tried ran out and gave me a recommend for a new hotel that just started trading "just up the road" Now being quite familiar with our American cousins ability at judging distance I set off for the 40 miles treck North.

The address I was given was a tiny hamlet in the middle of bloody nowhere. I stopped near a house that showed the only sign of life and that itself was the raucous yelp of a chainsaw coming from the barn

In typical B-movie style I set off into the barn to find out what the bobby moore was.
After my initial anxiety subsided I got chatting to the owner and his wife who sent me a mile up the road on my own ( after relieving me of a $100) to an old blue house which they owned.
I was the only guest and they didn`t live there themselves. It was very basic but clean and there was a lock on the door. Which in itself gave me little comfort as I nodded off to sleep still listening to the chainsaw of my landlord going on until about 11 pm.

Mileage: 2047
Start: Just looking, Stereophonics
Finish: One Vision, Queen

I was keen to get cracking the next morning and see a bit more of Yellowstone.
So after the now familiar mountain of French toast to set me up for the day and a tank full of gas ($12 lovely) I set off again to enter by the North entrance.

All the parks in the states allow you to gain access for a whole week after you have paid your entrance fee and they even put on a priority lane for folk that don`t need to pay. Very civilised.

The sun was beating down again and I set off before most of the RV`s hit the road so the ride through the park was splendid.


I didn`t see every bit of Yellowstone as I`m convinced I will be back there again one day and wanted to save a few bits for then.
I left the park through the east entrance where there are a number of tiny towns that don`t appear to have changed for decades. No prison block style motel chains or fast food outlets.

I lunched in a place called Silvergate on Beef broth and biscuits ( the savoury kind).
At the BMW rally in Oregon a chap recommended I ride the Bear Tooth Pass (BTP) which was East of the park so with a hearty lunch inside me and a few minutes admiring a Buffalo at the side of the road ( big blighters they are) I headed for the BTP.
What a fantastic bit of road, it rises a couple of thousand feet and is full of hairpin bends which cut through snow drifts thats been there for god knows how long.
Anyone thats enjoys the Alps and some of the passes there will really enjoy this particular piece of road.
I past dozens of Harleys in large groups all starting to make their annual pilgrimage to their gigantic rally in Sturgis. Chatting to a few of them I had the idea in the back of my mind that I may swing past there myself.

None of them had helmets on as in Montana there is no law to say you must. I was quite comfy in my Shoei Multitec though but I did succumb to some helmetless riding when I got into a few of the towns.

After a few more hours I hit the town of Hardin and decided to make camp.
First call to a little motel secured me a $50 room next door to a bar.

After a plate of fried chicken and several beers I found out that the bloke I had been chatting to about some antics we both got upto in our respective military careers had already settled my bill.
The waitress says he was proud to pay for a veterans supper. He never mentioned it to me just bid me good luck and left so I thought.
I was really moved by his gesture but it was just the beginning of my experience on how Americans treat their retired and serving forces.

Cant see that happening in Blighty to often.

I started a drinking game with some harley riding steel workers from Sacremento. At that time I had no idea i would spend the next few days hanging out with them and have a gun pulled on me then spend an hour in the back of a cop car with threats of a night in the cells.

Mileage:2313
Start: Purple Rain, Prince
Finish: Country girl, Primal Scream

Looking forward to the next bit

Andres

excellent stuff, really enjoying this

Awaking with a weapons grade hangover in Hardin that would have killed an average man I meet the Steelworkers that I had taken refreshments with the night before.
They tell me they want to ride to little big horn to see where General Custer got slotted. Not having any plan in mind I decide to tag along.
Mike, Shelby and Big Ben turned out to be great company and we hit the road towards Little Big horn (LBH) riding in a 1 BMW, 3 Harley convoy.
We stopped for gas and had to take this picture of a hut offering a service that I know Flipfly and Timolgra would have been interested in.

Little Big horn was a fantastic visit and highly recommended if you are a history buff. A few years ago they got a bit PC though and now there is a monument to the Native Americans that bought it there and gravestones to mark where they fell as well as the 7th Cavalry chaps.
Custers grave is the one in Black

Skygod,

Great reports on your trip. I see you chose some different riding gear from what a lot of folk might use. Is that a Belstaff Trailmaster in all its glory ? Also, you mentioned your Altbergs. What 'model' were they and how where they in the heat in the USA ? Seems they gave you good protection after your off.

A kit run-down would be good to hear. What has worked and what didn't (for you)

Cheers,
kev

HI Kev, I will crack on with the report later today. Just been a bit busy and lazy at home.
I will do a kit rundown at the end and recommendations but yes it is a Belstaff.

Great read this Gaz, just you, the open road, great scenerly, manly steaks and plenty of beer.....who could ask for more?

But now you've tagged on to a bunch of Hardley riders and your visiting historic sites (plus you had a dweeb hairdo in the meantime ).

Keep writing though chap, I'm sure your dice with death and the Police car incident was due to some extreme knitting incident and the wrong colour cardy

Glad to see you christened the American tarmac too

We left Little big horn in high spirits after a very informative visit and hit the road again.
After a few miles we stopped off and found a very "interesting" bar for a beverage and a spot of lunch.
The Stoneville saloon is in the middle of nowhere with nothing around it but what a bar!
Its like going back 100 years with the architecture of the place and the interior is a museum to all things biking related and the bathrooms are a tribute to the female form. The land lady informed us that the ladies loo was adorned with several hundred pictures of naked men. Unlike one or two on this site I declined the offer to go inside and inspect them for myself (Flipfly would have been all over it like a tramp on a bag of chips).
An inch of saw dust on the floor and a fabulous tattoo of a neckerchief on the land ladies neck.

I was happy to head straight for Deadwood but the steelworker element insisted on visiting something called "devils rock". It turns out it was the place that the Alien spaceship landed in Close encounters of the third kind.
Some of you film buffs may recognise it.

We finally arrived in Deadwood and stopped for some gas. Mike shouted out that he needed a beer and the guy filling up his Chevy truck at the next pump said he may be able to help us with that.
It turns out he runs a saloon just outside Deadwood in a small mining town called Lead.
The randomness of the trip struck again and off we followed him.
A great bar, looked like it belonged in a western movie. None of your refurbished fraud though. This hadn`t changed in a century.

Necking our third cold one the Steelys decided they wanted to stay there for 5 or 6 days as they where getting a bit tired of riding everyday and wanted a base for a while.
Deadwood is very close to Sturgis ( Harley mecca) and a few other well known places. Along with being on the doorstep of the Black Hills. Nothing special in themselves but the roads around there are spectacular.
And the week before all the Harley types turn up nice and deserted.

The chap who owned the saloon said he had a couple of rooms upstairs they could rent and the deal was done.
I planned on staying a night or 2 as I still had quite away to go.

With our billeting secured for the night we had a quick doby and hit the saloon again.
Several beers later and a rack of ribs that wouldn`t look out of place in a Flintstones cartoon and we started doing shots of Jack Daniels.
I introduced the chaps to a drinking game called fuzzy duck (happy to teach any of you that fancy it) and after an hour we all had legs like a new born foal.

A local couple joined in called Faith and John ( I think it was John) and things started to get very out of hand on the drinking side.
By 1am it was just me and the couple left.
The saloon kicked us out ( some cheek as I was staying there). My new friends said that Deadwood would just be warming up and could be a lot of fun.
At this stage I new it was time for bed but I already had the booze fever

Deadwood at 1am was buzzing. Loads of bars and people dancing on tables throwing bottles of liquor about,,,,great fun.
At 0230 John went outside to throw up and my spider sense told me the evening was coming to an end.
Not knowing if I could get back into the saloon I accepted John`s vomit riddled offer of a night on their couch.
They lived just up the road ( again, a very poor description of the real distance). After 30 miles in a cab we arrive at a charming trailer park near a railroad junction. Very quaint it was
The taxi driver asked for his $53 dollars and thats where it all went wrong.

I didnt think it was to expensive as it was the early hours of the morning and we had come 30 miles.
Faiths initial response was to ask the chap not too "piss up her back and tell her its raining".
After five minutes of wrangling I agreed to pay the fair. John went mad and said it was very disrespectful of me to offer and to stay out of it.
Another 5 minutes passed and 2 local Deadwood Sheriffs cars turned up with a cop in each. The cab driver had called them.
John had past out on his doorstep and Faith decided to start poking her finger in the cops chest and went on about how it was a big conspiracy and evryone was out to get her.
The cop had his hand on his pistol now and was asking Faith to calm down but she continued poking him in the chest.

Seeing things getting very out of hand now and being on my chinstrap through tiredness I decided to "help".
I walked towards Faith with my hands up planning on putting them on her shoulders and telling her to chill out. The cop misinterpreted this as an assault on himself and pulled out his Glock 17 and pointed it at my chest shouting at me to stand down. His buddy came over, grabbed hold of me and forced me into the back of his police car. How exciting I thought

Ten minutes later the cop started chatting to me and said he was a national guardsmen ( same as our T.A.) and he had served in Iraq. I saw this as my opportunity to escape a night in a cell and pounced.
Asking him where he had served specifically he said just outside Ramadi. A place I know quite well thank god. Another few minutes telling each other war stories and we where best buddies.
His partner drove off with my new friends to take them to an ATM machine to get some cash for the taxi driver.
15 minutes later they returned and all seemed ok,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, They then went into their trailer and I was asked by bad cop why I had attacked him.

When I explained I was trying to diffuse the situation he calmed down and said I could go.
Being free to go was somewhat tarnished by being stood in a trailer park at nearly 4 am and not having a clue where I was.

Nice cop sympathised with me and kindly gave me a lift back to Deadwood.
A mile walk and I was back at the saloon which thankfully wasn`t locked.
I dropped onto the couch and drifted off to sleep still thinking of what an interesting night it had been.....

Mileage:2636
Start: Live and let die, Wings
Finish: These boots are made for walking, Nancy Sinatra.

Brilliant!

"I introduced the chaps to a drinking game called fuzzy duck (happy to teach any of you that fancy it) and after an hour we all had legs like a new born foal."


Now I really want to know about this but there is no way I'm getting into a drinking game with you.

I'll watch .....

Fuzzy Duck - have spent many a drunken night in the rugby club play9ng that

Best report for a long time!! Bilko you may want to take this route next time