Gentlemen - I have had an Epiphany!
As most of you know I have been a deaf old twat for many years, so whilst booking my ticket for a recent train ride into London, I struggled to hear the lady behind the desk and mentioned I had hearing aids and was struggling to hear her through the background noise. Being the excellent customer service person she was, she immediately jumped on this opportunity to tell me that I could be eligible for a "Deaf Twat's Railcard" (I believe they are officially called Disabled Persons Railcard), and gave me a leaflet.
Filled out forms on-line, provided evidence of hearing aids (receipt for purchase) and paid £54 for 3 years. I now get 30% off all rail journeys I purchase!
In order to get value for money, this means that I must meet up with you bunch of delinquents at least 3 times a year for the next 3 years, which is a cross I will just have to bear!