First you need good floodlights to show any dirt.
2nd, you need a powerful magnifying glass to show up dirty bits
Then you log the dirty bits position on your book of bike outline diagrams.
Prepare your washing solution and a selection of impliments, brushes, sponges on sticks, toothbrushes and cotton wool buds.
Carefully wash the bike from bottom to top. If you wash it from top to bottom you might leave streaks.
Remember to refer to your dirtiness diagram because when the bike is wet, you will not see the dirt.
Rinse off and dry with chamois. Get into all the nooks crannies and screw slots with the cotton buds
Remember to clean between your tyre treads. This is an area forgotton by most.
Dry with a hair dryer set on the gentle setting.
Polish with lambswool buffers.
Collect shotgun from locked cupboard under the stairs. Point at face and operate trigger with big toe.