Broke down tonight (BMW Assist f___ing useless)

[xpi0t0s]

A couple of times recently I've noticed after setting off that the Brake Failure light has continued flashing, even though the brakes were working fine. Not wanting to risk anything, stopped, powered off and on, restarted, all fine.

Yesterday the bike conked out less than a mile from home. Engine just stopped. No amount of spinning the starter got it going again, then when the battery was flat, pushed the bike home.

Now I've no idea what I did. Put a new tax disc on, topped up the oil - it was low, but it's been lower without the bike cutting out, stuck the battery on charge and was about to call BMW Arse-ist when I decided to spin the starter just to see. Fired up a dream.

Called in at local dealer who said it could be the side stand switch (tested that today; can't be, if the side stand is down and it's in gear then it doesn't even spin the starter), but call BMW Crap-ist and they'll sort it cos they're brilliant, they have that computer wotsit to plug in and see if it reports any problems.

Anyway it had started, so I thought perhaps it's just a one off, let's see what happens. Got to work this morning no problem. Went to Ascot no problem. Got back to the bike a few minutes after doing the business and it wouldn't start. Starter motor fine but the engine just wasn't starting.

One thing I noticed was that sometimes after stopping turning it over the brake motor was still buzzing. Possibly this is related? Perhaps some sort of safety cutout? But the startup 2000000 point checklist doesn't report any problems.

Anyway, called BMW F_cking_Useless-ist because they're brill and have this computer thingy and will take me home and the bike to the dealer. Will they 13011ox. And do they 13011ox. It was just a bog-standard recovery bloke instructed to do single drop-off only and no sign of this pi55ing computer. And it was a ridiculous 17.5 ton lorry. I mean I know the BMW's a big bike but surely it doesn't need a 17.5 ton (unladen) recovery lorry. I'd have been better calling the AA - they'd have taken me home, the bike to a depot and dropped it off in the morning. But I stupidly assumed BMW Tw@t-ist would be BMW specialists and not worth their weight in sh!t.

(Can't fault the guy who turned up though. He did a good job, it was Control that refused to take me and the bike to separate destinations)

Got home and it fired up (after the reco chap had disappeared) but it only ran for a few seconds before pegging out again, but it left the brake motor running until I powered off the ignition.

Any ideas what could be wrong? Anything I can do anything about, or is this a case of getting BMW to look at it? And of course now how do I get the damn thing to a dealer. Anyone in Reading got a bike trailer (or at a pinch a tow rope)?

 

[xpi0t0s]

Oh, and it only took him THREE HOURS to turn up. Fortunately I was in a restaurant with food and endless beer so it wasn't as bad as it could have been, but I was still bored out of my skull.

 

[Uinneag]

I had this problem
the key stopped talking to in ignition
bike would start then cut out after 2mins
then would be fine
then a day later same again
BMW fitted new electronics for ignition
seems a common fault
hope this is of use to you
cheers

 

[Mouse]

The only time I've had to use BMW Assist, they were happy to take me home and then come back to take the bike to the dealer (from my home) the next day. The recovery "operatives" were subcontractors though, I think all you'll get is recovery, no chance of a roadside repair.

 

[luke scott]

I had a flat tyre and called the bmw rescue. The phone operative was reading from a typed menu and would not accept that a "technician" could not fix the flat tyre Eventually he relented and sent me a recovery truck who took the bike to duffys for a tyre replacement. But he was like a robot on the phone.

 

[Ste@SSB]

As they have only done one half of the recovery just give them another ring and tell them that it now needs taking to the dealers ... I used to do recovery work for BMW assist and sometimes they only instructed our company to do a single trip ... usually if it was too late in the day to get to the dealers but they were always happy enough to complete it the next day ... maybe they just didn't instruct the contractor very well ... give them a ring...

 

[xpi0t0s]

If that's true then they have major communications issues. It was made 100% clear to me last night that the service was single drop off only - the bike at the dealer and me stranded, or me and the bike home. If I had to call them again to sort out the second part then they could and should have said so. Anyway it's at the dealer's now and I have a courtesy bike so I'm more or less sorted.

 

[marcus]

RE: 'lectrics

My old 04 GS seemed to get confused quite easily. Always turn off in neutral, always start in neutral, don't even think about parking in gear.

I had the bike completely die on me a number of times. Replacement ignition barrel solved problem, so my only thoughts with dodgy electrics is to not mess about and get it into the shop straightaway and get the electrics completely done over.


Re BMW arse-ist. I'm with you. Bunch of muppets

"My gearbox is broken, I can see it's not the linkages, it's the gearbox so you need to send a recovery truck

2 hours later, bloke turns up in a 5 series and says
"oh, it's not the linkages, its the gearbox, you need a recovery truck "
2 hours later recovery truck appears. It's now raining heavily and my day has been ruined by incompetence of others.
"oh, it's a bike, nobody told me that. Never ridden one, never had one on the back of the truck"

Fortunately (!) this was not my first experience of broken down BMW bike so I put it on the truck for him and he fastened it down with me watching on nervously.

BMW arse-ist, once my membership runs out, forget it. I'd rather eat spiders eggs than deal with more incompetent clowns.
Every time I've used BMW arse-ist I have seen absolutely no BMW technical knowledge.

The AA have never let me down.

 

[xpi0t0s]

Just thought I'd post a followup on this. Cooper's Reading did a sterling job of picking up from where BA left off; they transported the bike across Reading to their place and although a courtesy bike wasn't available (booked solid for 2 weeks) they still managed to sort me a bike to keep riding. Turned out the problem was the fuel pump controller that had gone phut; nothing I could have caused, just electronics failure, and I got the bike back Wednesday lunchtime washed and checked over.