[/B]
I think that is a little harsh on the GS range....but I'm assuming it was meant in jest more than in seriousness.
The GS
may do a lot of the above things, but it is a bit harsh to say it
will on all of the subjects.
Certainly some will if not prevented by ritual cleaning and preventitive measures....panniers and corrossion etc.
The immoboliser and fuel pump issues have been (hopefully, fingers crossed) sorted by BMW on the later, and newer models.
The using of oil is high at the start, but tails off for most over a period (the general thought this is due to how it's run in).
Not all bikes eat pads...or discs..front, or rear....but some seem to...but some don't.
The final drive issue is still unfortunately a concern...and an all too regular occurance on low mileage machines.
The crash bars have done a fine job for me whenever I've needed them.....

.....never tested the cylinder guards, but they're not going to perform miracles I'd imagine
You may become familiar with the BMW warranty system
if you encounter any of these problems....but that's what it's there for.
Yes you will be tempted by Touratech and Wunderlich.....but if you choose wisely you can enhance the bike with the right products....or you can make it look like a Christmas tree with lots of expensive things that don't do much.....personal preference that really.
The GSA
is definately quirky and wierd.....but that is why most of use love them

....and keep going back for more
Would you get any of the above problems with other makes???...Honda/Suzuki/Yamaha etc.......I think so, maybe not so frequently on some issues, maybe more on others, depending on make and model.
I think on a whole, if you ride it, look after it to a reasonable level, let BMW sort anything you're not happy with under warranty, and just go out there and enjoy the bike and stop worrying what might go wrong...then all will be fine.
In a nut-shell.....just enjoy the bike!