I too have never owned one and that article helps explain why I never will:
Just learning what all the model names mean would use-up the rest of my riding days, then trying to understand the differences between Pan-Heads, Shovel-Heads and Dick-Heads is just too much for my poor Old-Head.
I'm far too worried that I'd end-up buying the wrong bike with the wrong suspension type, the wrong number of cams, the wrong type of valve train drive, the wrong number of valves and probably the wrong combination of consonants that have been strung together (apparently at random) to name the model.
One or two of them do look nice though.