Yes I was serious.
I have read so many different stories about some bikes using 1 litre of oil every 1000 miles and others not using any
I understand your concerns but maybe those that report such oil consumption are the same people who do not follow the manufacturer's instructions when checking the oil.
Often this reported "high" oil consumption is nothing more than people trying to top-up to some imagined optimum point on the sight-glass. Given the complexity of the two-pump/same oil for lubrication and cooling system of current Boxers, it's unlikely that the oil will return to the same level after each time the engine is run.
That's why BMW say that as long as there is oil visible between the top and the bottom of the red ring on the sight-glass, there is no need to top-up.
Just because on day one the oil is near the top and on day two the level has dropped to the bottom does not mean that oil has been consumed. It's probably just not drained back into the sump from one of the places that it can pool.
The people who report high consumption, seeing this, dash to top-up, incorrectly claiming that the oil is magically disappearing (they don't report clouds of blue smoke or puddles under the bike because the excess is being vented via the crankcase breather).
Hot or cold, if you can see oil inside the red ring, it's okay.
If cold and you cannot see oil, run the bike until it is warm, switch off and check it again after ten minutes. If there's still no oil visible, then add some.
There really is no need to try and think-up alternative oil checking procedures and no need to fixate on where the level is from one day to the next.
Given that this subject has been thrashed out in these pages over and over and over and over again, you got off lightly regarding the 'smart' comments.
Think yourself lucky that Tarka has given-up reading oil topics.
