After doing the BMW Off-Road course I fancied trying some serious off-roading, so ended up buying a Yamaha TTR 250. The areas available around here though are very limited, so egged on by Dennis the decision was made to enter the Red Kite Rally a 102 mile route held over Eppynt mountain and the military training area near Llandovery. It turns out that Slimbo and Jinkxy were entering as well (both on 1150 GS’s) so we made up a team – named the Wobby Tossers- very appropriate as it was to turn out.
It took a bit of effort to get the bike up to specification eg Motocross tyres were not allowed, indicators had to be re-fitted, horns had to be fitted and in working order etc etc but by the weekend we were all really looking forward to our first serious off road event.
After a few PMs the Wobby Tossers agreed to meet up at the West End Café at 7.30am so I left Carmarthen at 7.00am for a cold run along the A40. Normally I love this road, but last Saturday it was bloody freezing and I really missed the heated grips, especially as I only had a T-shirt and a Polo shirt under my Tuareg jacket. As it turned out, we were the first there and were soon joined by Dennis on his PD before tucking into our Full English breakfast – all of us hoping that this was the last time we were to see our breakfast.
I was really impressed when Slimbo told me that he had his riding instructions on the bike – until I saw what the “instructions” consisted of.
We were now set up for the day and set off to the Rugby Club for scrutineering. As it happened, the process was painless and the bikes were soon in the compound along with about 200 other bikes. While we were killing time a number of fellow Tossers approached us (no doubt recognising the GSer tuareg uniform / GSA etc) inc muzvmc, Timolgra, Sugarcube, Rampant Stallion, Loz etc. Most had some good advice – pity we weren’t paying more attention.
There was a very impressive collection of bikes waiting for the off – mostly KTMs but Slimbo was particularly struck by this RT with knobblies on.
We were allowed out of the compound at 2 minute intervals and were directed along the A40 up to Eppynt. The start of the laps were along tarmac lanes with a few gravelled tracks, but we were soon directed onto some grass and the start of Special Stage 1.
Both Special Stage 1 & 2 were untimed – to allow us to familiarise ourselves with the route etc. Again I probably didn’t pay as much attention as I should have; a mistake which I was later to regret big time.
After special Stage 1, I pulled up into the Refuelling point (with Slimbo in hot pursuit) but with no sign of Jinkxy. Strange really as he was behind us only a matter of minutes before.
As time went on we were getting a bit concerned, so Mrs Timolgra kindly offered to drive back along the route to try and find him, but just as she was about to set off a marshal rode up on Jinkxys bike and told us that he’d had a “bit of an accident” - slight understatement judging by the look on the bike. We couldn’t ride back to see him (otherwise we would have been riding against the flow) but Slimbo managed to get through to him on his mobi. It was obvious that he would take no further part in the event, so we set off on our own.
Special Stage 2 was definitely more challenging than Stage 1, but we did manage to get through without any major incidents. Keeping the big 1150 GSA upright in some of the tighter ruts was an effort – but after about 4 minor spills we got to the dreaded water filled tank ruts, which we had been warned about. Personally, I hate water filled ruts because you can’t see what’s in the way, so standing on then pegs was not a good idea as I dropped the bike and ended up on my back in about a foot of shite. In trying to stop my fall, I put both hands out which sunk into the mud and filled with water. My second mistake of the day was to take my gloves off and ride without any. This is not recommended and the next event I do, I will be taking a reserve pair.
On the second lap I made Mistake 3. Special Stage 3 was a timed lap, so I set off with Slimbos famous last words of “Take it Easy” – wake up man. The first lap had gone far better than I expected, so I was getting a bit over confident. When Slimbo passed me though I was determined to at least keep up and preferably get ahead again. The bike was going well and the gravelled tracks were not very challenging in comparison to the rest of the Stage. While taking a sweeping left hand bend at speed I forgot about the 90 degree turning to the right – I obviously pressed on the back brake too hard (causing the back wheel to lock up) the arse end of the bike slid to the right and I fell like a sack of cack hard onto my left. I distinctly remember hearing the crash helmet hitting the ground hard (luckily I’ve never heard that before) and remember skidding along the gravel for about 6’. Thanks to the knee armour my brother had lent me my legs felt fine, but my hands were hurting like hell with blood gushing from the scrapes on the knuckles. I may have forgotten ATGATT but in true Tosser style I didn’t forget to take a photo (its compulsory).
I thought my rally was over, but the marshals managed to bend the footpeg back, straightened my handlebars a bit, tidied up both left hand side indicators and got the bike going. By now I was feeling really sorry for myself and thought of packing it in at the end of Lap 2, but the thought of the piss-taking that would follow, spurred me on. Realistically, the best I was going to achieve was to finish, so when I got to the end of Lap 2 I had to decide whether to knock it on the head or finish. The marshal made it clear that I wasn’t under any pressure, so I decided I was going to finish even if it took me hours – the wife wasn’t expecting me back till late anyway. I rode the last 35 miles on my own but as I rode through the water filled tank ruts for the 3rd time I caught up with about 10 bikes waiting on the other side – one of which was Slimbo – feck was I glad to see him. A group of 4 of us rode back along the A40 to the rugby club for “Tea and Medals” and a well earned rest, but I still don’t understand how Timolgra, Sugarcube and Rampant Stallion could look so relaxed after doing the same course.
I arrived back in Carmarthen to be greeted by a pre-pared and welcome glass of red wine and a candle-lit bath. What a woman.
I had to borrow Dennis’ trailer to recover Jinkxys bike the next day and the plan was to deliver to Swansea after seeing some of the family on the Bank Holiday. By late afternoon however, my right hand had ballooned and turned a strange purple colour 
so I took it up to Casulaty to get it checked out. After an X-ray they confirmed that it wasn’t broken but that I had “ruptured a tendon”. So, now I’m in plaster and can’t drive or ride a bike till 9th May at the earliest. 
Would I do an off road rally again? Yes, definitely but I wont be lulled into being over confident next time …… AND I will certainly be taking 2 pairs of gloves and more body armour. Remember - ATGATT.
It took a bit of effort to get the bike up to specification eg Motocross tyres were not allowed, indicators had to be re-fitted, horns had to be fitted and in working order etc etc but by the weekend we were all really looking forward to our first serious off road event.
After a few PMs the Wobby Tossers agreed to meet up at the West End Café at 7.30am so I left Carmarthen at 7.00am for a cold run along the A40. Normally I love this road, but last Saturday it was bloody freezing and I really missed the heated grips, especially as I only had a T-shirt and a Polo shirt under my Tuareg jacket. As it turned out, we were the first there and were soon joined by Dennis on his PD before tucking into our Full English breakfast – all of us hoping that this was the last time we were to see our breakfast.
I was really impressed when Slimbo told me that he had his riding instructions on the bike – until I saw what the “instructions” consisted of.
We were now set up for the day and set off to the Rugby Club for scrutineering. As it happened, the process was painless and the bikes were soon in the compound along with about 200 other bikes. While we were killing time a number of fellow Tossers approached us (no doubt recognising the GSer tuareg uniform / GSA etc) inc muzvmc, Timolgra, Sugarcube, Rampant Stallion, Loz etc. Most had some good advice – pity we weren’t paying more attention.
There was a very impressive collection of bikes waiting for the off – mostly KTMs but Slimbo was particularly struck by this RT with knobblies on.
We were allowed out of the compound at 2 minute intervals and were directed along the A40 up to Eppynt. The start of the laps were along tarmac lanes with a few gravelled tracks, but we were soon directed onto some grass and the start of Special Stage 1.
Both Special Stage 1 & 2 were untimed – to allow us to familiarise ourselves with the route etc. Again I probably didn’t pay as much attention as I should have; a mistake which I was later to regret big time.
After special Stage 1, I pulled up into the Refuelling point (with Slimbo in hot pursuit) but with no sign of Jinkxy. Strange really as he was behind us only a matter of minutes before.
As time went on we were getting a bit concerned, so Mrs Timolgra kindly offered to drive back along the route to try and find him, but just as she was about to set off a marshal rode up on Jinkxys bike and told us that he’d had a “bit of an accident” - slight understatement judging by the look on the bike. We couldn’t ride back to see him (otherwise we would have been riding against the flow) but Slimbo managed to get through to him on his mobi. It was obvious that he would take no further part in the event, so we set off on our own.
Special Stage 2 was definitely more challenging than Stage 1, but we did manage to get through without any major incidents. Keeping the big 1150 GSA upright in some of the tighter ruts was an effort – but after about 4 minor spills we got to the dreaded water filled tank ruts, which we had been warned about. Personally, I hate water filled ruts because you can’t see what’s in the way, so standing on then pegs was not a good idea as I dropped the bike and ended up on my back in about a foot of shite. In trying to stop my fall, I put both hands out which sunk into the mud and filled with water. My second mistake of the day was to take my gloves off and ride without any. This is not recommended and the next event I do, I will be taking a reserve pair.
On the second lap I made Mistake 3. Special Stage 3 was a timed lap, so I set off with Slimbos famous last words of “Take it Easy” – wake up man.
The first lap had gone far better than I expected, so I was getting a bit over confident. When Slimbo passed me though I was determined to at least keep up and preferably get ahead again. The bike was going well and the gravelled tracks were not very challenging in comparison to the rest of the Stage. While taking a sweeping left hand bend at speed I forgot about the 90 degree turning to the right – I obviously pressed on the back brake too hard (causing the back wheel to lock up) the arse end of the bike slid to the right and I fell like a sack of cack hard onto my left. I distinctly remember hearing the crash helmet hitting the ground hard (luckily I’ve never heard that before) and remember skidding along the gravel for about 6’. Thanks to the knee armour my brother had lent me my legs felt fine, but my hands were hurting like hell with blood gushing from the scrapes on the knuckles. I may have forgotten ATGATT but in true Tosser style I didn’t forget to take a photo (its compulsory).
I thought my rally was over, but the marshals managed to bend the footpeg back, straightened my handlebars a bit, tidied up both left hand side indicators and got the bike going. By now I was feeling really sorry for myself and thought of packing it in at the end of Lap 2, but the thought of the piss-taking that would follow, spurred me on. Realistically, the best I was going to achieve was to finish, so when I got to the end of Lap 2 I had to decide whether to knock it on the head or finish. The marshal made it clear that I wasn’t under any pressure, so I decided I was going to finish even if it took me hours – the wife wasn’t expecting me back till late anyway.
I rode the last 35 miles on my own but as I rode through the water filled tank ruts for the 3rd time I caught up with about 10 bikes waiting on the other side – one of which was Slimbo – feck was I glad to see him. A group of 4 of us rode back along the A40 to the rugby club for “Tea and Medals” and a well earned rest, but I still don’t understand how Timolgra, Sugarcube and Rampant Stallion could look so relaxed after doing the same course. I arrived back in Carmarthen to be greeted by a pre-pared and welcome glass of red wine and a candle-lit bath. What a woman.
I had to borrow Dennis’ trailer to recover Jinkxys bike the next day and the plan was to deliver to Swansea after seeing some of the family on the Bank Holiday. By late afternoon however, my right hand had ballooned and turned a strange purple colour so I took it up to Casulaty to get it checked out. After an X-ray they confirmed that it wasn’t broken but that I had “ruptured a tendon”. So, now I’m in plaster and can’t drive or ride a bike till 9th May at the earliest. Would I do an off road rally again? Yes, definitely but I wont be lulled into being over confident next time …… AND I will certainly be taking 2 pairs of gloves and more body armour. Remember - ATGATT.
