Okay get ready. If you ever think of moving back, or indeed moving over here and want to bring your bike/s, don't, it's a nightmare.
Today, having spent a couple of months dealing with customs, custom's website, shippers (who were shiite beyond belief-here's a tip, get in touch with Globe Busters the bike travel company they can help-I found out too late), then the DVLA, driver vehicle licensing authority and their website and their call centre, BMW Motorad and their customer help call centre and then their useless un-friendly homolgation department, the VOSA a vehicle testing authority and another government web site and call centre, I finally got back to a point where I was in front of someone, or not as the case turned out to be.
VOSA have a centre where you take your bike because BMW don't have a certificate of conformity for my bike, or any US bike I believe. There you will join a queue of truckers, if you happen to be in Liverpool region. Two girls are at a counter. You will get to the front and they'll look at you blankly when you say the word "motorcycle". You will then be sent to find Phil. Once found, Phil will tell you to fill the form in, which you should have from the VOSA website. I had it and I filled it in for Phil. Phil will then send you back to rejoin the trucker queue. Now remember you've already been here once and they looked stupefied, so it won't feel promising.
You'll get to the front and say, "motorcycle sva test booking please".
Now at this point it's worth recalling the millions of pounds of tax payer's money that you have seen spent on this technologically slick and integrated system designed to simplify the collection of data critical to maintaining the well-being of the road system. You will recall the number of people that batted you round the call centre, once you managed to cascade through the endless options. You will no doubt recall all the time doing the work yourself, because despite all the man power that is employed to help, the best they could ever do was direct you to a tosspot of a website, where you couldn't quite find anything that fits in with your specific requirements and therefore required another session with the call centre at VOSA, who then tell you the DVLA are the people you needed in the first place and "have you seen their website or been in touch with the DVLA call centre?" and you say, "not yet," but know all they will eventually do is refer you back to the person who is currently speaking to you at VOSA after having been through their call centre options, the joy of being passed from pillar to post and the obligatory refer to our website/call them back scenario, at least twice,...so do not be surprised when the same two counter attendants look at you and say..."We don't do bikes. You need to speak with Anne". That's right, WE DO NOT DO BIKES, YOU NEED TO SPEAK TO ANNE".
So, at the end of these millions of pounds of bureaucratic fiasco, annoyance and ignorance, there's Anne, just Anne, the only person capable of sorting out several months of anxiety and stress...just Anne.
"So can I speak with Anne please?"
"She's away on indefinite sick leave".
And that's where the whole system goes completely and utterly arse up and finally farts in your face. Anne is away and all those millions, all those call centres, the whole mechanics of government stop.
I was less than impressed. I passed on my lack of being impressed to the two girls as effectively as possible, without causing offence.
A few calls were made and now my bike is booked in for its test next Monday. It appears Anne is not indispensable after all.
So that's all sorted out, done and dusted.
Not so fast. That would just be too simple wouldn't it?
Monday is the day the BMW dealer, who currently stores my bike, is closed. I am allowed one ride to the test centre and then another to a suitable place for any modifications if it's not passed. But if the dealer is closed, I'll need to get the bike on Saturday and ride it somewhere.
I called in at the police station. "You will be riding illegally and will be fined if we stop you".
So there you have it. A smooth integrated system, that falls to pieces when one person falls ill and can't be fulfilled anyway unless you have a car and bike trailer.
What a complete load of Taurus turds.
Come over as a tourist with your bike, that's just a snip in comparison, although you will be charged and have paperwork to do which will make a Nicaraguan border crossing seem like a picnic and a bargain. Just don't bring your bike over with the intention of registering it here, Customs don't want you to do it, the DVLA will hate you, BMW Motorad won't even speak to you, VOSA won't know what the hell you are talking about unless Anne is there and the Police will be looking to issue you with a fine and penalty points if they can, and as if this isn't enough, they will all charge you money while taking the piss, for example, a question on a form today...what is the weight of your battery? Who knows that? I asked if they meant a battery that was fully charged or flat? Well they started it!!!!
oggling the new K1300 - yum yum.
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who were soddin' useless.
