Gough's bridge?
Gough’s Statue
By Vinnie Caprani
There are strange things done from twelve to one
In the Hollow in Phaynix Park,
There’s maidens mobbed and gentlemen robbed
In the bushes after dark;
But the strangest of all within human recall
Concerns the statue of Gough,
’Twas a terrible fact, and a most wicked act,
for his bollix they tried to blow off!
’Neath the horse’s big prick a dynamite stick
some gallant ‘hayro’ did place,
For the cause of our land, with a match in his hand
Bravely the foe he did face;
Then without showing fear – and standing well clear-
He expected to blow up the pair
But he nearly went crackers, all he got was the knackers
And he made the poor stallion a mare!
For his tactics were wrong, and the prick was too long
(the horse being more than a foal)
It would answer him better, this dynamite setter,
The stick to shove up his own hole!
For this is the way our ‘hayroes’ today
Are challenging England’s might,
With a stab in the back and a midnight attack
On a statue that can’t even shite!
For years the statue lay in a yard
the ministry not knowing what to do
'til an English gent said I have a plan
to get you out of this stew
I'll take that fine horse off your hands
and mend it with the greatest of care
you needn't pay me a penny piece
I'll transform it into a mare
The poor horse was taken over the water
and the work was true to the promise
even the most sceptical of our heroes
was convinced, as was Doubting Thomas
So proudly today in Northumberland fair
in Chillingham castle so fine
home at last Lord Gough so proud
sits high on his mixed up equine
If you ever happen to be passing this way I'll take you to see it but don't tell you know who otherwise they might try again and do real damage to themselves.
